tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11669749874755075192024-03-05T12:43:55.802-05:00Southern By MarriageJust a girl trying to earn her pearls Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.comBlogger503125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-40923622315460388452017-05-21T15:43:00.001-04:002017-05-21T15:43:15.207-04:00Coming or Going home? This past spring, I went <i>Home. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Ohio.<br />
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There is a weight, proverbial or otherwise that is lifted when I cross that state line.<br />
<br />
There is a song from the musical In the Heights called "When you're home"<br />
<br />
Benny says to Nina:<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Nina, everything is easier</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">When you’re home…<br /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">The street’s a little kinder when you’re home </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">And lawd that rings true. Although there was a shift that happened this trip, a shift that made me feel like a visitor and not like a homecoming. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">I realized that I don't have a home there anymore, I mean I knew that I, as an </span><span style="color: #222222;">individual</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"> and part of my family unit knew I didn't have a home there. My ENTIRE family still resides in Ohio and the "door is always open." My dad hasn't been exactly thrilled with this move and when you add our marriage troubles on top of it, he would be here in a UHAUL within 24 hours if I gave him the green light. Knowing that, even keeping the knowledge buried in the deep, dark depths of my mind, it gave me some relief that we always would have a place to go if needed. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This trip was different because it was just me and Sarah and I could see within the first day that living there would NEVER be an </span>option. I could see the annoyance and frustration edging in to my dad's tone and face. Nothing against him, but a three year old, even on a good day could push you to the brink of your sanity. So that safety net that I had was gone. His house wasn't my childhood house or a soft place to land anymore, it was a place that you can't hit the blocks together because it was too loud. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Seeing him and feeling that same </span><span style="color: #222222;">anxiety at his house that I did when I would stay with him when I was growing up made it feel less like being home and more like being a bother or being intrusive. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: white;">I found myself longing to be home, but then raising the question where is home? Am I so superficial that I need a needle point pillow that says "Home is where my shit is" ? or is it where we have the roots to show for it. Can I still say that I have roots in Ohio and GASP! are my roots taking to SC?</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: white;">Even typing that makes me feel like I am cheating on Ohio. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: white;">I still dreaded leaving, but pulling in to my driveway and stepping out in to the warm, coastal air wasn't all that bad either. </span></span><br />
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Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-11341085958040897032017-03-27T22:54:00.001-04:002017-03-27T22:54:49.868-04:00Putting a pen to paper... sort of. I have started writing so many times and I know that this can be therapeutic but where do I start?<br />
<br />
I know I need an outlet and I have this dusty, half-ass look in to my life sitting here with a bunch of "Drafts" just sitting there, partiality written and probably bound for the delete button.<br />
<br />
It has been so long and so much has happened that this post could rival Tolstoy. So to catch everyone up and to give CPR to this... this... thing I am going to bullet point the shit out of my life for the past year.<br />
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Annnnnnnnd here we go:<br />
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1. I hate SC, this causes serious issues in my marriage<br />
2. I lost my job. this causes financial issues<br />
3. I want to move back to Ohio, this causes issues in my marriage<br />
4. I went thought a major depression that I wasn't sure I was going to make it out of it<br />
5. Playing with make up can be especially therapeutic when you are depressed<br />
6. Sarah, through all of this has become an amazing little kid. I can't believe how lucky I am to see this little girl grow up.<br />
7. Came out of the depression, a little worse for wear but still intact<br />
8. Husband and I FINALLY talked about future stuff and we are communicating again<br />
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there is plenty of other things that I could list, but I feel like those are the main points.<br />
<br />
So look for more posts and maybe a blog face lift. It needs it more the Honey Boo Boo's mom since the weight loss. I get she needs a neck lift? But a lift is a lift right?<br />
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<br />Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-18869118836024053992016-05-06T13:55:00.001-04:002016-05-06T13:55:56.590-04:00Routine I broke the first Cardinal rule of parenting.<br />
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<br />
....deep breath.....<br />
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I never established a routine for Sarah.....<br />
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And as someone's 3rd birthday is looming, this unconscience decision that was made is coming around to bite this mom in the ASS.<br />
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Sarah used to be a great sleeper, down and out by 830 on the dot. As she has gotten older and her surroundings have changed she takes the whole "bedtime" thing a lot less serious. She knows she will get around to it eventually, and can't understand WHY all the adults are so obsessed with something so boring. I mean she does have a pretty packed schedule, between potty training, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, tickles and bath time, there just aren't enough hours.<br />
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That unspoken curse every mother murmurs under their breath when the child is acting a fool, you know the one, you yourself have probably heard it a time or two.. "One day, I hope you have a kid JUST LIKE YOU." This witchcraft is real and very powerful, and has been fulfilled in my offspring.<br />
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This kid, like me and my father before me, is a night owl. She will be knocking on the sandman's door all afternoon but as soon as that clock hits 9 she gets her second wind and the nightly struggle begins. I am ashamed to say that there have been nights that she as seen the AM side of a late night.<br />
<br />
Husband and I have been getting closer and closer to a bridge that we are going to have to inevitably cross, breaking Sarah of her bad night time habits and starting a routine. To be honest, up until about a week ago, we couldn't even find the damn bridge and when we did our favorite song came on the radio and we had to finish or it looked like it was going to rain. Yesterday was the day, the point of no return.<br />
<br />
Sarah had a horrible night, husband and I have been sleeping in separate rooms to accommodate our little princess and she had decided to "sleep" with Daddy. I use the term loosely because she didn't fall asleep for about another 2 hours. Then it was up early for school and this was the first time she had ever pushed back and not wanted to go see her guys, as she so affectionately calls them. She didn't want to get up, she didn't want to get dressed and didn't want her Grammy to leave her at school. Then it happened, at pick up time one of the teachers came over and had to have a chat with my mom. Sarah hadn't just had a bad night and an off morning, this was the first time in almost a year of attendance that they had to reprimand Sarah, in their politically correct way of course. When I got this news all of the bad decision making and leniency on our part had finally caught up with us.<br />
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This behavior didn't stop when we got home, she pushed boundaries, didn't listen to anyone and by bath time we were all exhausted and so was she. We needed a plan, not only does she not have a routine but she also has started to exibit some troublesome behavior that we need to stop before it becomes the norm.<br />
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I laid in bed last night and my mind was racing, between thoughts of failures as parents to bouncing back from this. I was also torn, Sarah has accomplished so much this past week, we started potty training and she took off with it, She has only had one accident. How is it she can grasp something like potty training so easily but not bed time? Then it hit me, with the potty training we were rewarding her for using the potty and when it came to bed time we were always tired and pretty much begging, pleading and loosing patience with her.<br />
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I hit pinterest and the craft aisle at target and came home with a plan. A reward board! Why had I never thought about this before?!?!?!? We are going to try to address more than one issues with this board but also not overwhelm her. I think/hope/pray that this will help us right our terrible, most thinkable wrong.Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-7079685873402119772016-05-05T11:21:00.000-04:002016-05-05T11:21:21.372-04:00Cool KidsSarah's school is fancy.<br />
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It follows a new and improved curriculum for kids even her age, that would put my old school Sesame Street edu to shame.<br />
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In all honesty, I didn't have much to do with the picking of said school. At the time Sarah was involved in My Gym and they decided to close their doors so we were left, very suddenly, with "what do we do now?"<br />
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Still being raw from the move and being thrust in to a new city, new job, new home, I was actually relieved when my SIL said she was looking for a particular program for Sarah. Between the two of them, my MIL and SIL have 40 years of education experience, so sure I let them take the reigns on this one.<br />
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Anyway, the new shiny, fancy school has done wonders for Sarah. She LOVES going to see her "guys" as she calls everyone. This new, shiny school had parent/teacher conferences last night and in a moment of mom guilt I decided to go. Up until last week, I had never stepped foot on NSS (new,shiny school), not for lack of wanting but momma's gotta pay bills. So I became the ever absent mother, and God love husband, he does a lot of the drop off and pick up and his car is the Bermuda triangle. NOTHING (including Amelia Earhart) makes it in to the house from school. Things have been missed like special art days and a class fiesta.<br />
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I arrived early yesterday and decided to sit in my car and browse buzz feed and revel in the few moments I had to listen to music that didn't include a single animal sound. Cars carrying other parents started to fill the spaces next to me and I when riders emptied out in the courtyard I noticed all the moms greeting one another, hugging and catching up. They all looked like they stepped out of those fabletitcs commercials, kids all dressed in traditional, smocked southern attire. I felt the pangs of something I hadn't felt in over ten years. I was transported back to the school cafeteria, holding that always sticky plastic tray, hoping to see a familiar face in the crowd.<br />
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I that feeling, one of being a lone in a sea of people, hit me hard. I could almost smell the intoxicating mix of number two pencil shavings and pizza (Fiesta pizza day was my fave lunch day of the week). I almost didn't wan to get out of the car, what would they think when I walked past? Bags under my eyes, glasses smudged, a stain on my shirt from lunch, a hair tie that is barely hanging on.<br />
<br />
Would they judge me? Would they greet me as warmly as they had each other? Are they fitness instructors coming in between teaching a class?<br />
<br />
I didn't have the answers to these burning questions I had but there is one thing I did know: I wanted, as much as I did in that school cafeteria, to be a "cool kid."<br />
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<br />Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-85770976341188808962016-04-13T15:27:00.001-04:002016-04-13T15:27:18.530-04:00When you know it's time.<br />
I had my last therapy session a few weeks after Sarah was born, she was snuggled up on my chest and I talked about the whirlwind of my labor and where I was now.<br />
<br />
In that moment I felt so close to complete. I felt like I had been pieced back together so well that you would need a microscope to see the cracks. Kitty said that this can happen when people have depression. When you body goes through such a significant change, such as pregnancy and childbirth, the positive effects can be lasting.<br />
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I prided myself on the fact that I had broken free of my depression and that I had a strong hold on it. I was going about my day to day life with out that darkness taking hold. It was an amazing feeling.<br />
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Fast forward and here we are, almost three years later and I am watching the clock, waiting for 330 so I can make my way to an appointment with a new therapist. My name sits in the last slot of a complete strangers list, they don't know me, nor I them. I hate having to try to connect with someone's single paragraph bio. I am dreading this appointment but I know the cathartic release that will come from it.<br />
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I knew it was time when I started feeling the darkness seep in to the settling cracks in my foundation<br />
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there in the thoughts that kept me up at night<br />
there in the silent prayers to stay in bed all day<br />
there in the tears I shed alone<br />
there in the old, familiar excuses<br />
there in the silence<br />
there in the bottom of the bottle I now found comfort in<br />
there in the minutes in hours before I can go to sleep and escape<br />
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I feel like I am loosing grip of all the work I have done up until now, this foundation I made is crumbling and I am afraid it is taking my marriage and parenthood with it.<br />
<br />
That is the one thing I hate about this disease, it is so unforgivably selfish. My daughter doesn't understand why I just yelled at her and now I am holding her sobbing and tell her "mommy's sorry, mommy has a hurt." My husband is just now accepting that this is REAL, this is a real disease and isn't just me being difficult or using depression as a scapegoat to be self centered.<br />
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I know it's my time again, to regain control.Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-12707143059880202552016-03-28T10:35:00.002-04:002016-03-28T10:35:26.343-04:00Mary Poppins <br />
I have been pegged this before and have been guilty of pegging people in to this category.<br />
<br />
These are friends that you have RIGHT NOW, the friendship ignites quickly and you become engulfed in each others everyday lives, like you were always meant to be there. But then, the kindling starts to break and char and as fast as the spark produced the flame it is gone.<br />
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This can literally happen overnight, on a Monday you are inseparable but by Thursday one of you has made the cut and other is left with the scab.<br />
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This happened once with one of my "best" friends, I will state for the purpose of this post that we are friends now, but it took years.<br />
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Long story short, we were bffs through high school, I went away to college, got super depressed, moved home, became super clinging and there may have been a late night call where I was sobbing because she took me off of her top 8 on myspace. I wasn't mentally and obviously emotionally in a good place in my life. So she made the cut, no contact, avoided me like the plague, which was problematic considering I was still friends with sister.<br />
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I remember writing her a therapeutic letter, and that was that, a few months or years later, I can't remember that this point I got a response and from then on we have been friends. Not like we were but that was ok.<br />
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This type of situation hurts, I am not sure if both parties hurt, I have never asked her, but from the the cut side it hurts like a mother.<br />
<br />
I am finding myself in this same situation again, not as painful this time as frustrating.<br />
<br />
Backstory:<br />
This friend and I have been in and out of each others lives since I was a freshman in high school. He went through a divorce a few years ago, made a couple wrong choices and is now going through a very difficult time with the mother of his child, with whom he is divorcing.<br />
<br />
I care about him, he has the biggest heart, works hard, and has wanted to be a family man since I can remember. When I found out about the trouble he was having with his soon to be ex wife, I reached out to him, just to make sure he was ok.<br />
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Facebook can deceive, everyone has seen that post that says, "may your life be as awesome as it is on Facebook" and in this instance, looks can be deceiving. They loving tagged each other in posts, poked fun at one another in loving jest, and I was SO excited when they announced they were pregnant, because like I said this kid has wanted to be a family man since I can remember.<br />
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Then the posts started to dwindle, and you would think with first baby mania, posts would be EVERYWHERE! Then I saw it "separated".<br />
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We have been talking for a few months, I am giving him baby advice, reminiscing about the past and my goal was to just provide a few minutes of escape for him everyday. And sometimes he would do the same for me, it was nice to have a new friend to discuss things with. I am friends with the people I work with but these friendships don't seem to extend past 8a-5p Monday-Friday, and the family I have down here doesn't really jump at the bit to include me in everything, and that is a whole other post. We all remember those days of new friendships though, and how excited you were when you both had something in common and could exchange facts about it and talk about it for hours. Those were the ties that bind really. Now, though it isn't a boy band or movie, we talk politics, relationships and about life in general.<br />
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But recently the cycle is starting again, the conversations are becoming one sided, the time between more expansive. Then they just stopped altogether.<br />
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Then the doubt starts, did I say something wrong, did I think our friendship was stronger than it really was? I will rack my brain and chide myself for saying this or that. Why am I so drop-able? So easily removed?<br />
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Maybe I shouldn't see this as a bad thing, maybe I am the person that comes in to your life when you need it and when you don't need me anymore I slowly fade away in to your scrapbook, if you are in to that sort of thing. A person you shelf until you need again.<br />
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O.M.G. maybe I am Mary effing Poppins! I mean I do have some pretty fabulous accessories and do break out in to random song. Although, I don't know a cockney chimney sweep named Bert, nor have I ever danced with penguins... life goals.<br />
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I guess my friendship has full-filled its purpose and the cut has already begun.<br />
<br />Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-5742779923610676212016-03-18T15:36:00.002-04:002016-03-18T15:36:48.094-04:00My twenties <br />
This year, actually if you want me to break it down it's 119 days... but who's counting, I turn the big<br />
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And I, like most twenty somethings on the eve of what for so long is thought of as "the end", have some mixed emotions. </div>
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I set myself up for disaster, I know that now, I am almost over the proverbial hill and think to myself "where are all the crazy wild times I am going to have to hide evidence of to my children?" </div>
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I sat in front of my tv, seeing "twenty somethings" living lives in places I had only dreamed of and wished time away, wanting so badly to BE them. I wanted to be the 7th friend, I wanted to be the ONE new love of Carrie and girls life. I know Carrie wasn't in her twenties, and was in fact terrified that they were stealing all the men, including Mr.Big. But I always felt like an old soul and Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte would see that. </div>
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I thought these scripted, staged experiences were what being in your twenties was all about, I thought I would find my small group of friends in a coffee shop somewhere talking about our latest exploits in sowing our wild oats, learning from each other all while looking fabulous! </div>
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We can all come to the conclusion that my twenties, along with a million others, were set ablaze when we realized the real world loves to watch you crash and burn... hard. </div>
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Ok, <i>maybe </i>I am being a little over dramatic, but I remember the naive few months before graduation and making big plans to move to NYC ..... then I saw how much a shoe box, split 5 ways cost. How the heck did Carrie do it? I googled rent controlled and nothing came up... </div>
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The gang at Central Perk faded in to the background and my twenties started to take on a form of its own, like nature intended. </div>
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As the numbers are dwindling on my twenties and I am about to start a new chapter, I often find myself in contemplative remembrance, thinking about the sheer magnitude of it all. </div>
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In my twenties I got my first "big girl" job and learned about the golden handcuffs. </div>
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In my twenties I married the love of my life. </div>
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In my twenties I lived in my first house that was not only my own, but it was the first time I lived free of being connected by walls to neighbors. </div>
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In my twenties I learned to accept people for who they are instead of grieving who they aren't.</div>
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In my twenties I learned the importance of being smart with your money. </div>
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In my twenties I finally took charge of my depression, got help and took charge of my disease. </div>
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In my twenties I felt real heart break.</div>
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In my twenties I learned I can do this on my own, but choose not too. </div>
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In my twenties I finally saw myself as beautiful. </div>
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In my twenties I learned that my body is able, </div>
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In my twenties my focus completely changed.</div>
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In my twenties I became less neurotic. </div>
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In my twenties I left home. </div>
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In my twenties I learned never leave home without putting on a little mascara and blush</div>
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In my twenties I opened my self up to trying new trends that I thought were off limits for girls of my size. </div>
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In my twenties I almost left my husband, but stayed </div>
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In my twenties I almost lost my mom, but listened to my gut and got her to the hospital. </div>
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To say that my twenties were amazing would seem like small words. Nothing is big enough to talk about this chapter of my life. I can remember not being able to think outside of the 20-25 box and hard it hit me when I had to check 25-30. Something about being 30 makes me think I will finally be "of age" and finally an adult, maybe it's because I am closing in on how old my mom was when she had me. I am excited to put my check in another age range box, and want to show 30 what's up. </div>
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Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-55690470178302500742015-11-17T12:44:00.001-05:002015-11-17T12:44:53.747-05:00An open letter to all of humanity.<br />
<br />
Hello out there,<br />
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I usually don't get political on my blog for many reasons, one mainly being that I hardly ever blog, so why bring my readers (I use this term loosely) down by getting up on my soap box. At this point it would all be white noise anyway because EVERYONE is offended by something, whether it be outwardly or in thought.<br />
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I usually bite my lip because I was brought up under the adage "who are you to judge?" This came in to my life early on, when I questioned the how and why of the world around me. My mom would explain and then say "but who are we to judge."<br />
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This was actually a wonderful way to approach most topics, it let me take in my mothers information and then form my own opinion. And now I am going to contradict myself and state my opinion and judge away, and you can judge me since I am judging.<br />
<br />
Here we go, stepping up to the soap box...<br />
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If I see one more person up in arms about a damn red cup, I may scream.<br />
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I love Starbucks and I am a Christian.<br />
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I understand the sacredness of this time of year and that there is a whole movement to put the Christ back in Christmas and for good reason. The birth of Jesus Christ, the reason Christians are celebrating after all but this has taken a backseat to a make believe fat guy that was thrown in to the mainstream so parents had a weapon in their arsenal to get their children to behave.<br />
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But we aren't the only religion celebrating in the month of December. In 4 weeks Ramadan, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and Yule are all celebrated and these are also seen as the most sacred of times in their religions.<br />
<br />
When I walk in to a Starbucks and make my order (a grande, soy, cinnamon ducle latte), I am not looking to be closer to God. I am looking for tasty, hot coffee, no more no less.<br />
<br />
Starbucks is a corporation and I actually commend them for not slapping a generic snowflake or winter scene on their cup because they feel that is what they are limited too. Instead they are not choosing to honor one religion over another, but chose a color that can be seen as powerful in any religions scripture.<br />
<br />
But what this boils down too, is it is a cup. It's purpose is to hold a liquid, nothing more.<br />
<br />
I have become something that my government teacher predicted back in 2004. I am a POOP head, I am person offended by offended people.<br />
<br />
What I really wish people would do is instead of being so quick to jump to offense (so quickly that I am afraid human kind is forgetting what the word actually means) take a chance and leap to inquisitive. If you don't understand something it doesn't mean that it is offensive, it is an opportunity for you to look at something with a fresh perspective and heaven forbid maybe learn something about another culture.<br />
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<br />Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-63551695368208017362015-10-15T09:52:00.001-04:002015-10-15T09:52:41.945-04:00Line in the sand Present | Future<br />
<br />
This is where I am right now, toes lined up and still I can't push myself to cross.<br />
<br />
I can actually say that right now, I am happy where I am. This has never happened before, I am one that lived in "what ifs" and "what could have been". <br />
<br />
I saw a post of Facebook that said "when you find yourself not looking to the past, you are doing something right." Ok in all honesty I am totally paraphrasing, it was early and I can't find it again but I know it was some artsy inspirational quote with a sunset background. I mean it did the job obviously, I sipping my coffee and I thought about it.<br />
<br />
But now a new issue is at the forefront. The present | The future<br />
<br />
I am living more presently than I have in a long time, maybe ever. I have made peace with my past and that in and of itself is HUGE for me, most people.<br />
<br />
But now the future, where I used to dream and just see it as a place of possibility I am now hiding from.<br />
<br />
The big THING that I can't seem to reconcile.... expanding our family.<br />
<br />
I know! It is so crazy considering how many kids I want and how long we waited for Sarah. I can say that I am not surprised that we don't have a litter by now. Back to the point, Presently, I am so perfectly content with home life, the only thing I wish for everyday is more time, but I think every working parent has this same wish.<br />
<br />
Sarah is absolutely blossoming, and turning in to a full blown, attitude filled toddler. To see her personality forming is amazing. I am going to stop here because I could write all day about how amazing my daughter is.<br />
<br />
When I think about adding to our brood, I am not quite filled with excitement like I was when we were trying with Sarah. It is more anxiety, because I know I want more kids but where are the butterflies? The warm fuzzy feeling? We are still trying, and I would be beyond elated if it were to happen but the thought of going through everything pregnancy brings on top of working and still being a present mom for Sarah and present partner for Mr.G makes me fidget.<br />
<br />
Can I really do it all?<br />
<br />
I don't want to just go through the motions with my children/husband. I want to BE in the moment and remember this time. I want to make sure that when I go to bed at night I can say that I was the best mom/wife I could be that day.<br />
<br />
I know these are all common fears and thoughts that most parents have. I just thought that having another baby would be a no brainier, no second thoughts. And in some moments I am so consumed with my want to hold a baby again that I think I am crazy for not being more proactive to make this happen. Husband wants to try and we have had the talk about timing and like I said we would be elated if it happened, I am just terrified it will throw this new found serenity I have in to a free fall.<br />
<br />
Do I put my present at risk for the future I have always envisioned for myself?<br />
<br />
Do I let go of the future I always planned for?<br />
<br />
I don't have the answer yet, so I guess for now I am left toeing this line. <br />
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<br />Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-14969386415505786792015-08-17T15:12:00.000-04:002015-08-17T15:12:08.506-04:00When the storm ends and the skies begin to clear. I am alive. <br />
<br />
I have weathered this storm and the skies are clearing. <br />
<br />
A LOT has happened since the last time I posted so I am going to make this long story short as best as I can. <br />
<br />
After many nights of crying, being homesick and second guessing myself I finally began to see where I was and the good that was all around me. <br />
<br />
Sarah is blossoming, she adores being outside getting dirty in the back yard or playing in sand at the beach. Her speech is still an issue but slowly her words are coming around. I think that was a major turning point for me, to see my daughter just run around, be free and develop such loving relationships with the G family.<br />
<br />
We SOLD our house in record time, 2 weeks!<br />
<br />
We decided to rent a house instead of buy, not knowing enough about the different area's in and around SC made us weary of jumping in to a new home. We signed a lease and get the keys this Friday!!<br />
<br />
Husband got a transfer down here! He Starts the 3rd!<br />
<br />
I didn't really grasp the blessing that is my in-laws. I knew they were nice, I knew they loved me as their sons wife but that they didn't really know me. I was terrified to move in with them, although I have been Mrs.G for almost 6 years, they were still strangers. We were given the amazing gift of time and now, I can say that they know me, and that they love me for me.<br />
<br />
I can say that the Saturday's spent on the beach made this easier, it really did. I would have moments when I was standing on the beach, or crossing the ocean on the bridge that I would smile and say " I live here."<br />
<br />
I have started singing in a choir again and have found a home church. Husband and I get to have a meeting with with Pastor as soon as we are settled. It feels good to be apart of such a tremendous community.<br />
<br />
I am falling in love with my new city, Head over heels really. My bones still ache for Ohio because that will always be my comfort zone, my hometown. I still can't believe that I moved, I dreamed of it when I was young, granted my dreams where much grander, NYC with my name in lights on Broadway. I never thought in a million years I would end up in the land of pines, the Low Country. I think my new dream of beaches and sweet tea will suit me just fine.<br />
<br />
<br />Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-28699380570117549382015-04-14T12:57:00.001-04:002015-04-14T12:57:58.742-04:00Realization Today I had a moment when I knew it wasn't just being down and missing everyone, a moment when I realized that this was a terrible mistake. <br />
<br />
We had a plan. <br />
<br />
We were going to wait to move to SC once we were done with our credit counsiling (October 2016), but instead jumped the gun and now we are between a rock and a hard place. <br />
<br />
Our credit sucks and we won't be able to really rectify it until we are done with our credit counsiling so that means no house. <br />
<br />
While on the phone with the lenders getting this news about how "Negative" our credit report was I realized how done I am with this situation. <br />
<br />
I am DONE scraficing<br />
<br />
This was the nail in the coffin for me, I swear to baby Jesus if my husband thinks that my mother, himself, my daughter, our 2 dogs and myself are going to cram in to an apartment he can go take a walk. <br />
<br />
I have a perfectly nice house, in OHIO that accomdates us nicely.<br />
Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-33585674969641126092015-03-13T23:50:00.002-04:002015-03-13T23:50:55.495-04:00Almost there. <br />
I only have a minute because I should be packing....<br />
<br />
I have started a post probably three times now but they turn out so debbie downer that I decide not to post them.<br />
<br />
I am not happy to be moving<br />
<br />
I am not looking forward to starting a new job<br />
<br />
I am not excited to be a single parent for goodness knows how long<br />
<br />
but I breathe and keep going.<br />
<br />
A lot of lasts are happening, which I hate thinking of them as such, like I am a prisoner on death row.<br />
<br />
But it is goodbye or See you later.<br />
<br />
I am happy to report that packing, although at a stand still is about 90% done. I feel like I have wasted so much time these past 10 days but in all honesty I can't pack up anymore of Sarah's toys or room because we are still living here. So much has to happen the last three days that I am worried I won't be able to enjoy my last days as an Ohioan. My mom took the week off to help and hopefully with her as a helper and a distraction I get everything done in ample time to say goodbye to my home.<br />
<br />
Please send me motivation/a kick to the butt to get the rest of this packing done.<br />
<br />
Next time I post it will be from the Low Country!<br />
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<br />Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-74463149214456425882015-03-02T03:38:00.001-05:002015-03-02T03:38:34.173-05:00Looking forward <br />
In the interest in trying to stay positive and not dwell in the heart wrenching sadness that almost flattens me like a truck when I think about leaving my home. I have started a list of things I am looking forward to about this move.<br />
<br />
Here is my list thus far:<br />
<br />
1. Warmer weather:<br />
<br />
Living my entire life in Ohio I have seen some brutal winters, gloomy days lasting months, winds that chill you to the bone and hurt your face and saying that weekly prayer that this snow storm will shift north or south.<br />
<br />
They are already in a thaw in SC, temps are reaching a lovely 60 degrees. My flips flops are calling me and my toes are begging to me painted a bright and fun color.<br />
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2. Being surrounded by people with similar weight loss/health goals:<br />
<br />
I love my husband, and one thing that still blows me away is that he loves me (is attracted to me) no matter what I look like. He loved me when I was 130 pounds and that love and tenderness didn't falter when my weight sky rocketed to 250. As much as I adore my husband's love for my body (especially when I can't) it can cause a state of "oh what the hell" with my eating. Not to mention husband isn't the greatest partner in a healthy life style. The man would eat a 5 lb bag of gummy bears in one sitting if I didn't stop him.<br />
<br />
My MIL and SIL are both trying to get in better shape and drop some weight. It will be nice to have support system that is trying to reach this goal with me instead of eating a twinkie and cheering me on from the side lines.<br />
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3. Going to Church:<br />
<br />
My husband's family is very active in their church community and I can't wait to join them. I have said before that I feel like this is one aspect in my life that is missing, that I haven't cultivated. I want Sarah to know God in away that I never did, to be strong in her faith and this is the first step.<br />
<br />
And I get to sing in a choir again. EXCITED!<br />
<br />
4. Close proximity to the beach:<br />
<br />
this should be higher on the list, I can't even tell you how excited I am that I will be 10 mins from the beach and plan on being there every weekend. It is a luxury lost on some, but for a Yankee like me that had to travel 13 hours to get to an ocean, that I want to soak up every minute I can.<br />
<br />
My list of things I will miss is three times as long,if not longer, but I take note if I find myself getting excited about something. I need to stay positive for my family, no matter how much my heart hurts and hope the sound of the beach waves will ease it.<br />
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<br />Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-51927100143222770672015-02-28T02:06:00.000-05:002015-02-28T02:06:13.790-05:00south carolinianIt's official.<br />
<br />
As of March 23rd, 2015 I will be a resident of South Carolina.<br />
<br />
I am still in shock that this is happening so quickly but at the same time I keep thinking to myself that it maybe better that I am ripping the band-aid.<br />
<br />
There is so much to do and so little time to do it in, I am making lists out the wazoo and still crying every once in a while.<br />
<br />
It hits me in waves.<br />
<br />
I think about the warm weather, the beach, having weekends/holidays off and obtaining this goal that I set for myself and I am no cloud nine.<br />
<br />
then it hits me that in a few weeks I will probably never step foot in my first home again, the home that we brought Sarah home too, where she learned to crawl and learned to walk. That I won't be staying at home with her anymore, that I can honestly say that I have no idea when we will be a family of three under one roof again, that she may not "remember" Matthew when she does see him.<br />
<br />
Before my interview I found myself alone, at my dad's house, sitting in the quiet and profoundly drawn to scripture. I was surprised myself because I am not that person.<br />
<br />
I prayed for a calm heart and a steady voice, to find the right words and for calm of my nerves<br />
<br />
I found this:<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;"> I know the plans</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-19647T" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19647T" title="See cross-reference T">T</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;"> I have for you,” declares the </span><span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-variant: small-caps; line-height: 24px;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;">, “plans to prosper</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-19647U" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19647U" title="See cross-reference U">U</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;"> you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11</span><br />
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I wrote it on a piece of paper so I could read it.<br />
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I repeated to myself as the all came in.<br />
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Never have I found truer words to be spoken.<br />
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I have this hanging in my bathroom so I can read it every morning, noon and it is the last thing I see before I go to sleep.<br />
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This is happening for a reason, and it may not be clear yet, but I know it is in his plan for me.<br />
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<br />Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-64461353381846611972015-02-26T05:22:00.000-05:002015-02-26T05:22:08.458-05:00Everybody does it.A lot is happening, could be happening.<br />
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Husband is from the south, hence the blog title, and when we got married I always promised we would move. He made the move north for me so I would reciprocate the favor, the only hitch was I wanted to stay until I had our first baby. He agreed, I mean it would have been my first pregnancy and I wanted to be around my family and friends.<br />
<br />
That time has come and gone and our "baby" (I use "" because she is a full blown toddler now), is almost 2 and we are talking about number 2 (did you think poo? I almost rewrote that line because I started to chuckle at number 2.... I am almost 30) and I would be lying if the allure of the warmer weather and beach proximity wasn't tempting.<br />
<br />
I just knew it would happen this way and just prayed that it wouldn't, that he would prove me wrong this time.<br />
<br />
I want to preface this with I love my husband, so much it hurts.<br />
<br />
With that being said.<br />
<br />
I know he moved here for me and I have been nothing but supportive about moving for him.<br />
<br />
I have given up school twice because WE needed me to work full time<br />
I have given up working in a department where myself and my work was appreciated and we all got along and really enjoyed each other.<br />
and now I am putting myself up for a job that would see me giving up staying home with Sarah and it hurts so much I can't even type this without tearing up.<br />
<br />
I know everything happens for a reason, without quitting school and getting the job at OSU, I may have never of gotten pregnant, if I didn't already work at OSU I may have never gotten the job that allowed me to stay at home with Sarah.<br />
<br />
But giving up staying at home with her is almost too much.<br />
<br />
I am up for a job at a hospital in SC. I would move down there, with Sarah, and live with my in laws.<br />
<br />
I was just hoping that for once, our major life changing event didn't depend solely on me. <br />
<br />
He says if I am this miserable about the thought of leaving then I shouldn't take the job, but how can I not? He would never forgive me, nor would his family for passing on this opportunity. <br />
<br />
I am between a rock and hard place that is covered with rusty nails.<br />
<br />
I keep telling myself, most mothers work, you can do this.<br />
<br />
But everything in my body is aching and my heart is fighting me, screaming at me to stay with my baby.<br />
<br />
Everybody does it.<br />
<br />
Everybody does it.<br />
<br />
You can do this.<br />
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Breathe.<br />
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<br />Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-16103353205279923032015-01-20T21:02:00.001-05:002015-01-20T21:02:09.949-05:00getting back on trackYou saw in my happening post that I lost just about 50lbs from the birth of Sarah (summer 2013) to last summer.<br />
<br />
Y'all I wore shorts in public.<br />
<br />
I haven't done that since I was a senior in high school, 10 very long years ago.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I knew I had taken a huge chunk out of my weight loss goal, but still had a ways to go.<br />
<br />
I did it through weight watchers but the cost of monthly meetings was becoming a burden, so I had to stop my monthly membership after about 5 months.<br />
<br />
I was golden until the holidays hit, actually until Christmas.<br />
<br />
I had put on about 5 (or so) lbs before Christmas but I thought I could handle that number and as soon as the holidays were over I would knock it out like before.<br />
<br />
Well on Christmas I got in to a hand to mandolin fight and I totally lost. I cut the tip and most of my nail off of my middle finger on my right hand.<br />
<br />
It wasn't terrible, considering where I work I see people loose whole hands, arms, legs, you name it. It was just very, very painful.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I got really depressed afterward. I couldn't do anything with my hands with out a white hot pain shooting through my hand. Let me tell you something, do you know how much you hit your hands during the day? Or how drawn to a bandaged finger a toddler can be? Or how hard it is to change a diaper with a bum finger?<br />
<br />
I know it sounds silly to get down and out about a finger that was going to heal and be fine but I did. And how did I wallow in my depression, with cookies, and fudge and ice cream.<br />
<br />
Seriously, I am surprised I made it out of 2014 not being a diabetic.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I have now gained, what I feel like is 15 lbs, I don't weigh myself unless it is an utter last resort. All I know is the jeans that I was running through fields in July because they fit, I can't even button any more.<br />
<br />
So I sat down and devised a plan.<br />
<br />
I really need to get my body and mind in check. I don't want to be on a diet forever, and I don't want to pay for weekly weigh ins forever too.<br />
<br />
I want to make healthier choices and see my daughter make those same choices.<br />
<br />
Guys, she actually brought me a bag of potato chips a couple weeks ago and I about died.<br />
<br />
I know you guys have seen numerous posts just like this, but this is bigger than me, it's so my daughter grows up with a positive mentality towards healthy choices instead of a love affiar with twinkes. Seriously, my mom's motto is "I never met a twinkie that told me I was a bad person."<br />
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And we wonder why I have problems with food.<br />
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Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-35166357396534765602015-01-18T03:51:00.001-05:002015-01-18T03:51:35.255-05:00GuiltCan we take a moment to talk about guilt.<br />
<br />
More specifically, mom guilt.<br />
<br />
Not to be confused with the guilt your mother made you feel for not cleaning your room or something, that is an art form that will be learned in time. No I am talking about the all consuming guilt that you are a terrible mother.<br />
<br />
I know I can't be the only one out there that feels this way.<br />
<br />
This week was super challenging at home with Sarah. Her sleep has been off, she is getting really frustrated with her lack of communication and I am pretty sure she is getting a mad case of cabin fever. By mid week she was a screaming, crying mess and I was at my wits end with her.<br />
<br />
It hit me like a ton of bricks on Thursday, I had had a night of terrible sleep and had been up since 2 am. Little miss woke up an hour and a half earlier than usual which I knew would throw off her whole day and it did.<br />
<br />
My patience is something to be desired and is something that I work on daily because, lets face it, people with no patience are usually assholes and I know I get this way, I hate to admit it, with Sarah. I feel terrible and I try to correct myself when I feel like I am getting overwhelmed but Thursday I had nothing.<br />
<br />
She would take my hand and walk me in to the kitchen, and just scream. I gave her juice, she threw it. I made her breakfast, and she smeared it all over the table and fed a great amount to the dogs. I yelled, I refused my hand to her. I am trying my damnedest to point and say what things are hoping she will pick it up and finally say "juice", "snack","bowl", "cereal"... anything. But instead she just screams.<br />
<br />
Sarah is 19 months old and has yet to say an actual word, she says Bah Bah for bye bye, and bab for baby, Si for yes (no idea where she picked that up) and Di for done.<br />
<br />
She hasn't just looked at a ball and said "ball" and for that I feel like I have failed her in some way. I tried, early on to incorporate reading time in to our daily schedule but she would have none of it. She would rather be running around climbing on something.<br />
<br />
That day, the day of her screaming, and my patience wearing thin, I can honestly say that once my husband got home I went upstairs and only came back down to make dinner. I needed a break from her and the rest of my family. I mean I actually missed her, sitting up in bed looking at pictures of her I missed her. Then I would hear her scream and I knew I just had to be away from it for a while.<br />
<br />
I begged, pleaded and prayed for that little mini me, just like I am for our second. And the weight of the guilt I feel when I admit that I "needed a break" from her is more than atlas feels holding the earth. I mean a perfect mom wouldn't need a break, she would be, first of all showered with a bra on, but filled with an awesome amount of calm and grace that I just don't have on a day to day.<br />
<br />
I know some of her behavior was in response to mine and I just kept repeating to myself when I was upstairs, alone, "tomorrow is another day".<br />
<br />
... I woke up with a new hope after a great nights sleep and she was just as cranky as before.<br />
<br />
So what did we do, WE DANCED!<br />
<br />
I figure if you can't beat um, dance with them instead.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-8108820922628605162015-01-17T04:10:00.000-05:002015-01-17T04:21:26.064-05:00happeningI don't even know where to start.<br />
<br />
Well, I guess for starters I could say that I actually had to look up when I wrote last because it has been so long.<br />
<br />
I thought I would do an update of sorts before I delve completely in to blogging again because I want to delve in to blogging again.<br />
<br />
Here it goes, everything since 7/19/2014:<br />
<br />
-I have a full blown toddler on my hands guys, a climbing, babbling, running, dancing, eating everything, in to everything toddler. I don't know how it happened, it seems like yesterday that she was this squishy, stationary, completely and utterly dependent on me baby. And how she only really wants me around to get her snacks and juice.<br />
<br />
- Husband and I are STILL trying, have been since last January. I terrifies me to think of becoming a family of 4 but the thought of pregnancy, labor, delivery and adding to our family is electricity running through me, I honestly can't wait to go through it again.<br />
<br />
- Husband got a new job then went back to his old one, it wasn't easy for him to back track but the new job wasn't working out and the old job offered him even more money so he decided to go for it.<br />
<br />
-I lost almost 50 lbs! I have gained about 15 back but lawd I am going to buckle down and get those off plus some. My goal is to be a size 16 for my birthday!<br />
<br />
-Got a total mom hair cut, its short, highlighted and sassy. Husband hates it but I love it and am going to keep it around for a while.<br />
<br />
-I got even more super nerdy glasses, the bigger the better right?<br />
<br />
<br />
that is about it. I guess that is why I stopped blogging in the first place, my life is in a suspended state. There is no wedding to plan, baby growing (yet), no house to decorate, so I thought I had nothing to really talk about anymore. But I need something for me, over these past few months I have realized that I have let myself become that mom, the one that goes to the store without a bra (not really, my boobs would be outta control), sweat pants on and unbathed for days. I have lost ME which, I hear is very easy to do when you are a new mom.<br />
<br />
So here is to a new year and a new lease on this old blog!<br />
<br />
<br />Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-653454238955986602015-01-17T04:07:00.001-05:002015-01-17T04:07:34.977-05:002 week wait For anyone trying to conceive and hasn't had any luck, this two week waiting period is the absolute worst. <div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Are you or Aren't you? </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I honestly try to never get my hopes up, but I find myself day dreaming about the morning I will take my test and it being positive. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Hasn't happened in a year and I can say that it is beginning to weigh on me. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My biggest fear with trying to conceive is that because we never got tested before, that there is something wrong with one or both parties and Sarah is our miracle baby and we didn't even know it. My doc keeps saying "we know you can get pregnant, you have before" I mean do we really know that? Husband and I aren't in the best shape but we don't have any glaring health issues. I know with women the slightest thing can throw your fertility through a loop but I had a regular cycle and was ovulating. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
At my annual check up last year my doc asked me if I wanted to re-up my birth control and I declined. I told her that because it took us so long with Sarah we wanted to start sooner rather than later. She told me if I hadn't conceived by my next appointment then she wants to start testing because "we know you are get pregnant, you have before". </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So here we are 6 months left until we talk testing.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I am currently in my 2 week wait and I am trying so hard not to read in to anything, compare notes from when I did get pregnant, but I want something, so indicator that our bodies got it right this time. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Here's hoping for an October baby! </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-1456507340063841762014-07-19T01:54:00.000-04:002015-01-17T04:10:43.132-05:00AgainI never thought I would be in this place again, ok I did know I would be here but just not so soon.<br />
<br />
I am ready to be pregnant again.<br />
<br />
I know, I am crazy. If I were to get pregnant tomorrow, I would have two under two for about 60 days.<br />
<br />
But I can't lie to you.<br />
<br />
Blame it on on the cute bumps and cute little cheeks that have been surrounding me lately. Or the real fact, that I am scared.<br />
<br />
Scared that it is going to take another 2 years for me to get pregnant.<br />
<br />
That was such a hard time, on me, on my husband and our marriage.<br />
<br />
When husband and I first started to talk about babies we knew we didn't want a lot of space between, 3 years max.<br />
<br />
Why would I want to do this to myself?<br />
<br />
We both have at least 5 years between us and our sibling (husband has 5 and I have a whopping 8), and although we are all adults we will never be on the same level. I have a marriage, a mortgage and a child but to my brother I will always be the baby, which is fine to a point.<br />
<br />
I don't mind being the "baby", with my brother there is a sense of protectiveness that comes with the territory. But when I want to speak to him as an equal, it just doesn't happen. He keeps me at a distance like parents do their children.<br />
<br />
Husband runs in to the same issue with his sister more than his brother but my point is, it's annoying.<br />
<br />
So wanted kids all around the same age, they can be in school together, the same activities and so on and so forth.<br />
<br />
So here we are again, throwing caution to the wind and I am left looking at one line. The difference this time is, when I see that line, I am sad for a second and then my baby cries and I am over it.<br />
<br />
But for that moment, all the feelings for two years of heart ache overwhelm me. I think not again, I pray not again, and get scared.<br />
<br />
Husband asked me to be ok with one, if that is what we end up having. Our one, perfect little girl. I didn't say yes because I know I would be heart broken if Sarah was an only child, I wouldn't feel complete. I would really try, but like I said I can't lie to you, I would feel like a puzzle missing a piece. But then guilt runs through my veins when I think that, this is me saying Sarah isn't enough. I had to put a different spin on it though, it isn't that Sarah isn't enough it's just that I don't want her to be alone, because there will be a time where she will be alone.<br />
<br />
<br />
My maternal Grandmother passed away 7/4/14. There was a tender moment between my mother and her siblings where they were standing at her casket and the sisters were holding each other and then my bear of an uncle walked over, stretched out his arms and hugged them all. That is the moment I think about, Yes, God willing, Sarah will get married and have children of her own but this whole part of her life, her childhood would be gone with my husband and I. No one to say "hey, remember the time you stuck a hot dog in the VCR?" or "hey remember when we did that crazy thing we did?" Siblings are like war buddies, through the trenches that is childhood.<br />
<br />
With that being said, we are trying again, I don't like that term, so lets say we are dreaming right now. Dreaming right now of becoming a family of 4.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-35382601683158313982014-01-19T22:30:00.001-05:002014-01-19T22:30:09.634-05:00this old thing?This blog, man this blog.<br />
<br />
It has had many a theme, many a name change and now it has been shelved.<br />
<br />
Poor dear.<br />
<br />
Lots has changed since my last post, but more on that later.<br />
<br />
Back to the roots, this started as a wedding blog, then it went to a daily life blog which is a problem because y'all I am boring. Get up, go to work, come home, go to bed. I tried a weight loss blog but lets face it a lot of stuff tastes better than diet stuff and that is what won.<br />
<br />
Then the pregnancy hit and that is all I was talking about, growing a human is kind of time consuming. Then guess what? The baby came.<br />
<br />
Did you know that babies are the cutest, more adorable time suck on the planet? They totally are.<br />
<br />
I had the great idea that I would blog from work or when the baby went to sleep.<br />
<br />
Another thing you learn, you have to cram all your adult activities in to the few hours that come after the adorable center of your universe goes to bed. This includes and is not limited to:<br />
Laundry<br />
Sex<br />
Eating<br />
Bathing <br />
Cleaning<br />
Vegging out<br />
Watching tv shows with cursing, sex and/or violence<br />
Just sitting still in a quiet room<br />
<br />
My fingers just never hit the keys, and I didn't want to bog you down with cute antidotes of my child. I mean I even started ANOTHER blog for just that. Another blog, when I couldn't even keep this one going.<br />
<br />
I am hoping that with the 2nd biggest change in the past 7 months will allow me a few spare minutes...<br />
<br />
I quit my full time job, for a better paying part time job so I can stay home with my mini.<br />
<br />
like I said more on this later.<br />
<br />
For now, I am not going to climb to the top of the highest building here in Columbus and say " I AM BACK INTERNET!" But I am here and it's a start.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-2691515022432878832013-09-06T10:15:00.001-04:002013-09-06T10:15:52.647-04:003 Month Letter <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn-iCuR2D86l22WNFXnlJGRRK2-RQYOp4aeLYm_YJmm2TTl5FxGGlcCZWQJqM4LmPjsnH1kXI8pSbyHkYXYxdEuqwGWRW6oM9B2Qx5DCjaTkvoaxhB2IwQ_ViPlGXQIgjRTx8rmMW41J95/s1600/hello.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn-iCuR2D86l22WNFXnlJGRRK2-RQYOp4aeLYm_YJmm2TTl5FxGGlcCZWQJqM4LmPjsnH1kXI8pSbyHkYXYxdEuqwGWRW6oM9B2Qx5DCjaTkvoaxhB2IwQ_ViPlGXQIgjRTx8rmMW41J95/s320/hello.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
Hello Junebug,<br />
<br />
You rang in your 3 month-iversary below the Mason Dixon line surrounded by friends and family.<br />
<br />
First lets start off with the stats, at<br />
<br />
last official weigh in you were 9 lbs 14 oz. A quick trip to the doctor before our trip for a little viral infection 2 weeks later showed you were pushing 10 lbs.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH98ogDdPm6R34l8H0Jjg6__QEXcmEiQVkOw0L9JsPKUfy96U4tS6M51v5B6Md_7_yyyUp7gd7MFKWVduAnWI2q2Ng9DyXVE7-f8ZOXhRRUKR9S6DWU1DMDXyQxe0fPJU_7vaxcTBl0URq/s1600/momma.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH98ogDdPm6R34l8H0Jjg6__QEXcmEiQVkOw0L9JsPKUfy96U4tS6M51v5B6Md_7_yyyUp7gd7MFKWVduAnWI2q2Ng9DyXVE7-f8ZOXhRRUKR9S6DWU1DMDXyQxe0fPJU_7vaxcTBl0URq/s320/momma.jpg" width="240" /></a>You rolled over once, on a bed, with me on it. Ok so it was like rolling down a hill but you still got yourself on your side so I say it counts.<br />
<br />
You have discovered your feet and are so impressed with yourself when you are looking down and you catch them moving.<br />
<br />
The best development thus far is the fact that you are actually smiling as a response and not just spontaneously, also you chatter a lot more.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrS7LvK1yFi0QgPkeTY-NY0pXDcVBMp1DV7p3KNjm793JdapvAb751fsTdTAO_weK1EQuY4bKKrRdsl2g3zhT5S_CZ-vbLdWqiklTPXVBTtNruSSXtv3eBw6dYcuYBlhG30d2zO5rPzYLP/s1600/beach.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrS7LvK1yFi0QgPkeTY-NY0pXDcVBMp1DV7p3KNjm793JdapvAb751fsTdTAO_weK1EQuY4bKKrRdsl2g3zhT5S_CZ-vbLdWqiklTPXVBTtNruSSXtv3eBw6dYcuYBlhG30d2zO5rPzYLP/s320/beach.jpg" width="320" /></a>You have started to flirt with sleeping through the night, I think we have had 5 full nights of sleep this month and all the other times it was just one wake up. YAY! For everyone being more rested.<br />
<br />
I will say you still hate going to bed and will fight it tooth and nail. Your napping is still horrid and you decide screaming until you turn purple is a better alternative to sleep, this logic baffles me. <br />
<br />
We went on a trip to see Oma and Opa in South Carolina and you loved it! You loved to just sit outside in a diaper and take in the breeze off of the marsh. Your first trip to the beach wasn't awesome but in your defense we did wake you up so we aren't going to write it off yet.<br />
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<br />
You were Baptized and against all odds, slept through the whole thing. It was truly a miracle.<br />
<br />
Little girl, I love you more and more everyday and when I get you to smile or coo I melt on the inside. Those big brown eyes have a hold of my heart little one and I can't wait to see how you have changed next month.<br />
<br />
Lip Smackers my love.<br />
<br />
MommyMrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-1589646708717403262013-09-06T10:09:00.000-04:002013-09-06T10:09:26.770-04:00I blew out my V three months ago And lived to tell the tale.<br />
<br />
Barely.<br />
<br />
Since I didn't get to finish my belly shots because Sarah had other plans, here is what life and body are like 3 months post partum:<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">How big was baby at birth?</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;"> 5 lbs 8 oz was 18.5 inches long</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">How big is baby now?</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;"> 9lbs 4 ounces 20.5 inches long </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">Total pregnancy weight gain</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">: My final weigh in was at 236 or something. Which was down 11lbs pre-pregnancy. </span><br />
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<br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">Weight Loss Since Delivery</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">: Last weigh in was 215, so 21 lbs down since birth but 32 lbs over all </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">Symptoms/How I'm Feeling:</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;"> better now. For the first 6 weeks after my labor I had back pain from the epi and of course soreness from delivery itself. I was slightly anemic afterwards and would tire easily but the most annoying was the ringing in my ears, that lasted about 4 weeks. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">Stretch Marks Status</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">: I actually made it out unscathed! The stretch marks I thought were forming never really materialized. But LAWWWWWWD are things saggy. I think it is from the combination of loosing so much weight and things being stretched out. The most surprising area, me inner thighs... who knew! </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">What I miss about being pregnant</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">: I miss the belly, I loved rubbing it and just feeling big and pregnant. I have a feeling if I were to have been asked this question towards the end of my pregnancy my answer would have been nothing....</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">Baby's Disposition</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">: She is over dramatic like me, and knows what she wants, when she wants it and it has to be her idea..... like me. Our predictions were correct, she has Husbands looks but my personality... lord help us.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">Mama's Sleep</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">: Better, but after she wakes up for her nighttime feeding I have trouble going back to sleep. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">Baby's Sleep</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">: Hard to explain. She doesn't nap, she will take 30 min power naps which will hold her over for a while but when 7:00 hits she is the biggest fussy pants. She is tired but fights sleep tooth and nail, so we start her bedtime routine around 8 and she usually out by 9:30, after a bottle and a 45 min of crying. We will hold her while she gets her bottle and we try to burp her and then she goes in to her bassinet. That's when the crying starts, we check on her and she will eventually wear her self out. Its stressful but the pay off is she sleeping through the night. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">I am loving</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">: being able to eat like a normal person, being thinner than I was pre-baby, and diet coke. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">I am spazzing about</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans';"><span style="line-height: 27px;">: Wondering if her daycare is the right place for her. Some stuff happened the week we left for her baptism that I should have addressed then but didn't. Mom fail. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">I am looking forward to</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">: Family pics next month and starting cereal</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;">Belly Picture: </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Josefin Sans'; line-height: 27px;" />
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Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-88404297651280321042013-09-06T09:56:00.001-04:002013-09-06T09:56:17.928-04:00Dot woes We all remember dot right? The adorable, fun loving, sassy basset hound?<br />
<br />
Ok, well Dot isn't so adorable and fun loving anymore.<br />
<br />
The adorable part... maybe.<br />
<br />
Before Sarah came in to the world we tried to prepare the dogs as much as possible. We tried to teach them down and quiet, played crying baby tracks when it was quiet and even carried stuff in our arms so they got used to us not being "theirs" 24/7.<br />
<br />
I wasn't worried about the puppies in all honesty, yes the training was difficult and some days you would swear they had amnesia and forgot EVERYTHING, but they are young and I figured they would bounce back from this life changing event mostly unscathed.<br />
<br />
Dot on the other hand, I knew her adjustment was going to go one of two ways, she would either not give a hoot or spiral out of control.<br />
<br />
Can we guess which happened?<br />
<br />
Do you think I would be writing a blog post if she didn't give a hoot?<br />
<br />
It started when we came home, when my mom and husband made their way to and from the hospital I made sure they took the blanket Sarah had been wrapped in and let the dogs smell it. That's what all the books said to do. Check!<br />
<br />
Then when we got home we introduced her to the big dogs, one by one. Dot ran up the stairs and came right to me and wanted belly rubs, then she heard it.<br />
<br />
a whimper of something new.<br />
<br />
She sniffed around and hopped up on the bed and I could tell she was anxious. Not in an aggressive way, just in a "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" way. She sniffed her and when Sarah began to cry Dot hunched away with her tail in between her legs.<br />
<br />
We tested sleeping in our room that night, with the baby and the dogs. Cooper was terrified of the new human and the pack and play and was shaking the bed violently with his panting, while Dot could't get comfortable and every time the baby made a noise the dogs where right there to investigate. Looking back we probably shouldn't have discouraged this behavior but ce la vie. It was a hard first night home and at about 2 am I had had enough of the dogs walking all over me and we put them in the living room. Dot barked the whole night, to this day it still breaks my heart thinking about that night.<br />
<br />
Her behavior started to decline further, she isn't as affectionate as she was, she doesn't like to sit with me or by me, she hates being upstairs and the biggest aggravation, she has started messing in the house.<br />
<br />
We thought it was us, being all consumed with the baby, but when we started to really pay attention we found she will go outside and play and come in and immediately mess in the dining room and then try to go back outside to play.<br />
<br />
We are at our wits end.<br />
<br />
We have punished bad behavior, rewarded good, tried to single out one on one time with her and nothing is working.<br />
<br />
She hasn't had it easy these past few years, what with moving, that addition of Cooper and then the pups. I just don't think she had another life changing event in her to cope with and she is saying "F&*% YOU MOM AND DAD!" The worst is that the pups are picking up on this behavior and are starting to join in, they have destroyed our new couch and tore up some of Sarah's clothes.<br />
<br />
We are starting to boil over and have even discussed getting rid of all the dogs, but we know we can't do that, we just day dream of being a dog free home.<br />
<br />
We aren't sure where to go from here, one more pup is going to their forever home in a couple weeks and then we are down to one. We keep telling ourselves that 4 is easier than 5 just like 5 was easier than 6. <br />
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I just feel like I let my first born fur baby down, oh the guilt of being a fur momma and a real momma.Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1166974987475507519.post-38174838163969806962013-08-08T14:38:00.003-04:002013-08-08T14:38:53.811-04:00shameful<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizwWcdwlCypzSBKqy7t6PX4Cmrtx2-RBGjbUHtefx1mxMehTq9kL5n3Hef0QydiAj6gK8IJo6gaoQvcO_D0_Hwzv4bUYJVt-livZkvB59B-0wm3q2ErvOR2X6KxxZbv9aij03fJdh73neE/s1600/photo.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizwWcdwlCypzSBKqy7t6PX4Cmrtx2-RBGjbUHtefx1mxMehTq9kL5n3Hef0QydiAj6gK8IJo6gaoQvcO_D0_Hwzv4bUYJVt-livZkvB59B-0wm3q2ErvOR2X6KxxZbv9aij03fJdh73neE/s320/photo.PNG" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
That is what is going on right now.<br />
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On my Pandora.<br />
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I have a serious problem after my birthday. After my birthday I am just done and I am ready for it to be Christmas or at least fall.<br />
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That is why I allow myself one day in July to have a Christmas preview, well this year I was on maternity leave and didn't do it so today is that day.<br />
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Instead of Christmas in July I am having Christmas in August.<br />
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I should probably be more ashamed than I am.<br />
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Meh.<br />
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Only 138 more days people. </div>
Mrs. Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14630051397520305992noreply@blogger.com0