The eve of change

Hello Lovelies.

How are you?

I am better, almost fully healed from the last post. I will say it will take awhile to get used to talking about Matt in past tense. But soon it won’t hurt as much.

I want to talk about change; good or bad change is one of those inevitable things in life.

No matter how much we want to stay in a certain moment forever, the moment will soon pass.

My life is about to be turned upside down.

I am excited about the changes that I have recently made and the ones that are coming but I am also scared, which I believe to be totally normal when you are about to embark in to the unknown.

Change #1: After Matt died an avoidable death, which to not get in to many details, boils down to him not taking care of himself. I saw in myself the need for an immediate change a long over due and necessary change. A very important lesson that I learned in the short time I was with him was, the obvious, life is to short, life isn’t fair, we’re not invincible. But what I also took from it and something that has taken me 25 years to see is, I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF MY BODY! This is my vessel to carry me through this life, and I was/am doing a piss poor job at maintaining it. I knew all the statistics about being obese but I wanted it all, I wanted to be able to eat whatever I wanted, do whatever I wanted and still live a full and happy life. And I can tell you that yes I was full, full from the crap I was putting in my system but I wasn’t happy. But more importantly I wasn’t healthy. I didn’t want my family standing around my hospital bedside saying “It wasn’t enough time.” I can say with all honesty I was scared for my future because that is where I was headed, it might not have been for a long time but I knew my weight was going to put me in the hospital at some point. Saturday, August 13th I signed up for weight watchers, made a list of goals, made a work out schedule and cleaned out my fridge. I know I have cried wolf before so I am not going to promise you anything, all I am going to say is I am going to try with all my might to fight the flab and turn my life around. So far I have been on track everyday, sticking by my points, and have lost 3lbs thus far.

Change # 2: I have finally figured out a question that has plagued my being for years now, “what do I want to be when I grow up?” After a quarter life crises, a soul searching talk with a dear friend at my birthday dinner and a reevaluation of what I wanted out of life and what I wanted for my family it clicked.

Starting September 21st I will on my way to earning my degree in Middle Childhood Education.

I am really excited because I am almost finished with my degree at CSCC and starting next fall I will be working towards finishing my degree at OSU.

I am over the moon excited about finally knowing what I am going to do and actually having the motivation to get it done.


And the big one….

Change # 3: Is still under wraps until we get a more precise date. Let’s just say it involves of letting go of a huge part of my childhood, opening our home to someone in need and family helping family.

It’s a doozey so stay tuned for the big reveal…. You ladies are going to think I am nuts…. Maybe I am?