My twenties

This year, actually if you want me to break it down it's 119 days... but who's counting, I turn the big

30

And I, like most twenty somethings on the eve of what for so long is thought of as "the end", have some mixed emotions. 

I set myself up for disaster, I know that now,  I am almost over the proverbial hill and think to myself "where are all the crazy wild times I am going to have to hide evidence of to my children?" 

I sat in front of my tv, seeing "twenty somethings" living lives in places I had only dreamed of and wished time away, wanting so badly to BE them. I wanted to be the 7th friend, I wanted to be the ONE new love of Carrie and girls life. I know Carrie wasn't in her twenties, and was in fact terrified that they were stealing all the men, including Mr.Big. But I always felt like an old soul and Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte would see that. 

I thought these scripted, staged experiences were what being in your twenties was all about, I thought I would find my small group of friends in a coffee shop somewhere talking about our latest exploits in sowing our wild oats, learning from each other all while looking fabulous! 

We can all come to the conclusion that my twenties, along with a million others, were set ablaze when we realized the real world loves to watch you crash and burn... hard. 

Ok, maybe I am being a little over dramatic, but I remember the naive few months before graduation and making big plans to move to NYC ..... then I saw how much a shoe box, split 5 ways cost. How the heck did Carrie do it? I googled rent controlled and nothing came up... 

The gang at Central Perk faded in to the background and my twenties started to take on a form of its own, like nature intended. 

As the numbers are dwindling on my twenties and I am about to start a new chapter, I often find myself in contemplative remembrance, thinking about the sheer magnitude of it all. 

In my twenties I got my first "big girl" job and learned about the golden handcuffs. 

In my twenties I married the love of my life. 

In my twenties I lived in my first house that was not only my own, but it was the first time I lived free of being connected by walls to neighbors. 

In my twenties I learned to accept people for who they are instead of grieving who they aren't.

In my twenties I learned the importance of being smart with your money. 

In my twenties I finally took charge of my depression, got help and took charge of my disease. 

In my twenties I felt real heart break.

In my twenties I learned I can do this on my own, but choose not too. 

In my twenties I finally saw myself as beautiful. 

In my twenties I learned that my body is able, 

In my twenties my focus completely changed.

In my twenties I became less neurotic. 

In my twenties I left home. 

In my twenties I learned never leave home without putting on a little mascara and blush

In my twenties I opened my self up to trying new trends that I thought were off limits for girls of my size. 

In my twenties I almost left my husband, but stayed 

In my twenties I almost lost my mom, but listened to my gut and got her to the hospital. 

To say that my twenties were amazing would seem like small words. Nothing is big enough to talk about this chapter of  my life. I can remember not being able to think outside of the 20-25 box and hard it hit me when I had to check 25-30. Something about being 30 makes me think I will finally be "of age" and finally an adult, maybe it's because I am closing in on how old my mom was when she had me. I am excited to put my check in another age range box, and want to show 30 what's up.