ok....

So Crystal started blogging about her new life as a married woman and just about life in general, so I thought it was a great Idea.

I got engaged on December 6,2008 to my boyfriend of 5 years Matthew Gnann. He is a recent graduate of University of South Alabama. He will be moving up to Ohio the second week in January but I am not excited or anything... yeah right!!! A five year long distance relationship is pretty hard.

Wedding plans are in full swing but nothing is set in stone yet, except for the date 9-6-09. A day that I have been looking forward too for a long time. Matthew and I have been through so much, growing up states apart, a messy break up and rebuilding all with cell phones and the internet. So taking this next step means a lot to the both of us, a very new big chapter.

I have a lot of the wedding pictured, where I want it, how I want it, but it is scary. I can say that I am scared for 2 reasons.

Reason number 1: Loosing the us and it becoming more about a single day in the calendar year:

I have had this vision in my head for so long ( yes I am one of those girls that got a Knot account within the first year of dating) I am worried that I am going to be blinded by the crystals, taffeta,centerpieces, bouquets, that I will loose us. I know I want to be with him for the rest of my life I am just worried it will be more about the day then us. It is easy to get lost in everything.

reason number 2 of why I am scared: I hate being the center of attention.

I am absolutely, completely,and utterly petrified to think of all those eyes on me, his eyes on me. I guess I never thought of myself as a princess and I was hoping that maybe I could fall under that mentality when I got engaged, but I haven't yet. I guess I just feel silly, like I am playing dress up or wearing a costume. It isn't me to wear a big poofy dress, all dolled up. I will feel like everyone is laughing at me, I am afraid I will laugh at me. If I could get married in a pair off jeans, a tee shirt and flip flops I would be sooooooo much more comfortable, more Katy, but Matthew (and I know all my bridesmaids would too) vetoed that idea a while ago.

On a brighter note I did go dress shopping today, it started out rough as I knew it would be. I think one of the reasons I feel silly is because the bridal world isn't cut out for bigger girls. You are supposed to feel like a princess but you have to order 2 sizes bigger than what you wear. So there I am standing in a dressing room with a dress that won't go over my size DD chest because the lady has me trying to get in to a size 4. Nothing Against Alan Ray bridal but the lady was clueless, I would say I didn't like chiffon so she would bring me 2 chiffon dresses that was an hour and a half of let down. God love Crystal (MOH) and Jen, They kept me sane.

So I went to Davids bridal and tried on some dresses and I could feel that I was getting closer to "THE" dress.

Crystal says she went to this shop when she was getting married that carried more sizes geared to my size of woman. So we get direction and hit the road.

We pull in and she says "Oh My Goodness, this is totally not the place I came too." so I start to get nervous because The wedding plantation is literally an old house with garage filled with dresses. "lets just go look around" Crystal says, and Mom and Jen agree. So we go in to a illy lit room with pictures of brides from the 1980's, and I am thinking, 'was that the last time a bride bought a gown from here?' Well we walk in to the bridal section and I see this dress, one of the lights shinning right on it. I walk right to it, it is a size 10, "Humpf" and I walk away. We look around and Crystal and Jen start pulling dresses and this dress keeps catching my eye. I go back to it and look at it again, more closely and can't believe it is in this garage. The Girls and mom notice that i am not listing to them and want to see what I have found and they like so I decide, 'ok I have been trying dresses on all day that are too small one more isn't going to hurt'.

Jen and I go in to the dressing room and start the smushing, cramming and sucking in process and I am almost afraid to look. " wow" Jen says, so I bring my attention to the mirror and I see "THE" Dress. Mom and Crystal come in and "wow". It was my dress. I found it by mistake in a garage. So we veiled me up and my mom teared up and I knew that it was right. This was the dress that I will marry Matthew in.

The funny thing, it is a complete princess dress, it is poofy, crystal embellished, a ball gown with buttons and more crystals down the back.

I have pictures, and I will post later.

Love to all.

From a future Mrs.