A life funkedy funk

I seem to be in a funk.

I like to entertain you guys with my musings and little diddys but when I sit down and put my fingers on the keys.... there is nothing. I guess it doesn't help that I sit down with nothing, not even an inkling as to what I may write.

My lack of creativity is mirroring my very feeling towards life. It started with my birthday. I was so excited, I never do more than just dinner but not this birthday.

The party was split down the middle of people outside and people inside so I didn't really get to enjoy any one group of people or conversation for very long. I am friends with a lot of different types of people and it seems that they didn't really mesh well.

I absolutely loved seeing everyone but it just seemed.... awkward, in a sense.

I don't know if it was the turning a year older or whatever but when I blew that candle out the light dimmed in me as well. The light has dimmed so much I feel lost in who I am and what I want. These questions are always on my mind, I am so consumed with them that I forgot to rinse the conditioner out of my hair this morning, they have been keeping me awake at night. I will lay there hoping as I put the question out there for God and the universe to hear, that I will feel a calm wash over me or a pang in my soul as to what the correct path is for me.

I just don't know what I want from me anymore. What I want will change from day to day and I can tell hubs is getting frustrated with this wishy washy roller coaster I have him on. I apologize everyday for it. I am even getting annoyed with myself for not being able to make a decision, a game plan what ever you want to call it. I want off this ride too.

The weeks since my birthday I feel like I am just going through the motions of my life and not really living it. I get up, I go to work, I go home, I go to bed.... repeat. Why can't I find the words? Why can't I find peace of mind?