Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Today at 6pm I will sitting in a room with people very simallar to myself.
Some maybe worse off than me but the story is still the same.
My story is a long and very painful one, a story that I am ready to end.
I am going to a mandatory informational meeting for bariatric surgery here at OSU.
Some will scoff when they read this, think it is a cop out, that I am taking the easy way out.
Some may not think I need the surgery.
I want to say that I am not having the surgery as of today, but that is what this meeting is for, to inform you of this decision and tell you how to get from point A to point B.
I am not even sure how to write this post without it sounding like I am justifiying my decsion but the point is there is nothing to justify.
Here are the facts, I am 110 lbs over weight.
There I said it.
I am currently 240 lbs.
There I said that.
My body for years has been taking the abuse of my weight gain and this year is the first year that I have been really effected by it. When I was in school I really tried to excersice, but it hurt, not to mention I couldn't keep up. I went to a zumba class and can say that if I would have stayed I wouldn't have been able to walk to my car. Most people would say that was the effects of a "great" class but it wasn't like that. It wasn't a good burn or whatever you call it. I could barely hold myself up after 15 min of that class not to mention I couldn't breathe. I had to leave early because I was afraid if anyone caught me gasping for air the way I was they were going to call the squad. I thought it was just that instance but then I found myself breathing heavy after taking the stairs or walking in to work. I devloped tendonitis this year in my feet and ankles, something that still causes me problems. My feet, ankles and knees hurt all the time. I have started to avoid going places where I know I will be standing for long periods of time because of the pain afterwards. I pop anti-imflamatories like they are candy on some days.
I thought it was because of a more serious nature that this was happening to me but in the end it boils down to how would your body react if you where carrying a 110lbs person on your back.
I am ready to not be a prisonner of my own body, I want to be able to run around, dance, jump up and down, Shit, stand without the fear of collapse.
Today I am jittery, I don't know what to expect from this meeting. I mean this could be life changing and that is hard to wrap my head around that this could be me walking to the starting line.
I will let you know how this goes....
*I am only going to talk about the health side of it for now because the emotional aspect of this deserves a post in and of itself.