The Michael Jackson Disease



on someone with dark skin



That is what it is called, and I absolutely hate it.

I mean John Hamm has it too and he is much more sexified, and I would love to have his disorder any day... that didn't come out sexy did it? No, I think it sounds more like I want the clap from Don Draper.

I have nothing to really write about today so I thought I would share a little something about me that I have never really talked about before.


I have dissorder called Vitiligo.

Vitiligo is a disorder that causes depigmentation of patches of skin. It happens when melonocytes, the cells responsible for skin pigmentation, die or unable to function.

or as I like to say, I am spotted albino.

For a long time I didn't know the name or what this was all I knew was that I had white spots.

I have had it for as long as I can remember, I have always embraced my spots because they were an oddity and unique to me. The spots I have had the longest are on my stomach right below my pant line. I have one spot about the size of a pickle and it shaped as such with a few little spots below it. They are super sensitive to sun and burn hella bad.



what it looks like on me



I think it was a life saver that my spots were in places that were covered all the time. I never got made fun of for it because people got to know me first and not my spots, it wasn't until I was in my 20's babysitting, when I took the kids to a neighborhood pool when C said (in typical 7 year old way) WHAT ARE THOSE!?!?!?! So I explained them to her and she wouldn't leave them alone. She kept swimming up to me and poking them, saying they felt different than my "normal" skin. I was a little uneasy because this was the first time I had been met with a reaction other than acceptance about my skin, but I took it as she is 7.

As I grew older I noticed I had 2 or 3 small spots on my ankle, no big deal, then when I got stitches in my knee I noticed the area around the scar lost pigmentation. This was bad news for a clutz like me.

It wasn't until my sophomore year in high school that I fully began to understand how far this could go. I was on vacation with my mom's side of the family and my Aunt and cousin have vitilgo as well, but because we are all so fair skinned you can't tell. Well, when you are on the beach for a week, the spots start to show more and more. My Aunt has it the worst I think, It is on her arms, legs, face, and even some patches of her hair are bright white due to no pigmentation. My cousin has an advanced case as well and I remember going home kind of in a state of shock because I didn't want that to happen to me. I talked to my mom and she didn't remember my Aunt having it as a child and she tried to reassure me that everything would be ok.  I asked my mom if she could speak to my Aunt and find out if she started like me and it progressed or did it just happen and if she knew what it was called.

She did have it like me when she was younger and it got the way it did when she had kids and after menopause.  Great.

When she started her change, that is when she talked to her doctor about her spots and he told her about vitiligo.

I did some research and found there is no cure for it but there are therapies out there that can help with the advancement. Food for though when I need it.

Then 2008 happened.

My bestie was getting married and asked me to be a bridesmaid and I decided I wanted to tan before, just to get some color. I am just going to put it out there that I tan naked..... judge me.

Anyway, it wasn't until I started getting some color that I realized that basically my whole bikni area is white and so are the underside of my ladies. Completely. albino.

I was socked, if you think about it that area is always covered in some way shape or form, even if you wear a bathing suit it is covered so I had no idea. I was still ok with this because I figured I wouldn't have tan boobs forever once I stopped tanning and then in that case I would tan in a bathing suit and it would be covered.

But I didn't stop tanning I had 3 weddings to gear up for, one of which was my own,  but the more I tanned the more white spots would show up. I think the most disappointing one to find was that my ring finger on my left hand had almost completely gone white. I thought about it looking weird in pictures and had already planned on covering it up if need be.

I know what you are probably thinking, why this post Mrs. G? When I was getting dressed this morning I noticed a new little white spot on my arm and I would be lying if I said I wasn't sad about it.

It also makes me wonder as well, if I were to hit the beds again, what would I find? I am so pale right now you can barely see the spots on my torso (that is the reason for lack of personal photo reference).  I am scared to get any sun for what it may reveal, but there is noting I love more than the look of my bronze skin.

I guess I really don't know where this post is going.

I know I just really wanted to get my thoughts together on the possibility that there maybe a lot more pigment loss than I am aware of and trying to prepare myself for treatment if I choose to.

I think I will peruse the National Vitiligo Foundation website, is it wrong that I want this shirt?

Pics from wikipedia and from nvfi.org