Plans change

I thought I would fill you guys in on a tough decision that husband and I had to make earlier this year.

It may not seem like a big deal to some and it may come as a relief for others but it was something I still really believe and always dreamed for myself and it has taken some time to adjust.

I am talking about home birth.

Years ago I wrote about how I longed for a home birth, that is when I was till in the trying phase and not the HOLY SHIT I AM ACTUALLY PREGNANT one.

In the holy shit phase I have learned that you really just have to go with the flow and not fight it.

Once I found out I was pregnant It had been almost 2 years since my last OBGYN check up.... WHOOPS!!! My last GYN appointment left me angry and not wanting a medical professional near my nethers  for a while.

Remember the appointment I am talking about? the one where she said because I was fat I was automatically high risk, I would get GD and that she wouldn't even do fertility testing until I dropped over 100 lbs.

Anyway fast froward and there I was 2 line pee stick in hand and I knew I had to bite the bullet and find a lady doctor.

After we had the pregnancy confirmed, I brought up, this time very seriously, to husband the idea of a home birth and he was surprisingly up for it.

We went, we met, we talked and we left seriously considering this option.

Then December happened....

I down play it, but it was a scary time, having surgery at 10 weeks. And I think the severity of what was happening paired with the fear I had at loosing my fetus, there was a shift in my thinking.

While in recovery husband and I sat and talked for what seemed like hours about both choices and weighing our options. It was a real grown up moment for us....

It was decided that we would have a hospital birth but hire a doula so we can still strive for a natural birth.

It was hard to let the vision I had in my head go, and to completely do a 180 has taken some time.

I am not 100% ok with the hospital but after my surgery I wasn't 100% on home birth either.

Trying to stay positive about the situation I think about the positives of birthing in the hospital:

1. Packing: I am a strange bird, I effing love packing for a trip. I will probably pack and repack that bag 1000 times but I will revel in it every time.
2. The heightened excitement of having to go to the hospital: Being on the dramatic side (WHAT!?!?!? ME, NEVER!!!!) I am excited to have to race to the hospital. Please ask me about this theory after I give birth, I am sure a 20 min car ride in active labor will be a new hell but a girl can dream right?
3. We can better dictate the visiting schedule: Instead of everyone converging at once to our house, they can come to the hospital and then we can go home and settle in before the masses arrive.
4. Freebies from the hospital: I know our midwifery group does a care package of sorts but EVERYONE I talk to that births in the hospital is like GRAB AS MUCH AS YOU CAN!!!!
5. I don't have to worry about the dogs: my Dot is stuck to me like glue if there is something up. When I am sick, hurt, crying she needs to be near me and if she can't get to me she makes her feelings on the matter known. Known by barking insistently... and that isn't something I want to deal with.

Nothing like looking on the bright side.