2012 in review.

Pic via Google images

Hello All!!!

I hope everyone had a fantastic time bringing in the new year, I was asleep, so yes I was happy.


I  thought I had decided that this year I wasn't going to make any resolutions or goals seeing as I am just going to try to survive all the changes that are coming my way this year. But then I found myself making a before baby comes to do list and said to myself "isn't this kind of the same thing?"

But before I share with you my 2013 list, here is a quick recap of this years goals:

Goal #1 -is to break the cycle and put a stop to my envious ways!

I think I was actually pretty good about this one, other than the "man I wish I had her shoes" or something along those lines there was no " I wish I had their lives" outta me this year. Goal #1 OWNED!!!

Goal #2 – Find a home church. I want to find one that fits me and what I am searching for, rather than go there because friends do or because the choir is good. Which, don’t get me wrong are both bonuses but I tend to want to be a chatty Kathy and make church a social event and lose focus as to why I am there in the first place. 

Didn't happen, and I can't guarantee you it will this year either. Maybe I will surprise myself. 

Goal #3- find a healthy hobby. wither it be walking, running, biking, swimming, hiking, zumba-ing, dancing, yoga, Pilates whatever it will be I need to find something that can relieve stress in a healthy way instead of eating myself in to a coma. 

Nope... sorta, I did go on more walks this year than ever before and I did enjoy it. Husband has vowed as soon as the ground thaws we will be walking fiends. We shall see. 

Goal #4- find healthier substitutions in meals- I have been making a month’s worth of meals and freezing them in advance and it has helped so much with my stress level because now I have more time to relax in the evening. But the issue is these recipes call for a TON of butter, heavy cream, and other not so savory calorie packed items.

 I actually did this! Some were awesome... others not (gravy with turkey sausage, whole wheat flour and fake butter is gross, don't do it!) but I did find myself pulling away from the recipes that called for vats of butter.... I am looking at you Paula.... 

Goal #5- Stop box dying my hair, it is looking weird y’all. I have a reverse hombre going and it is driving me nuts, my hair is so long that I need to get 2 boxes of dye now and I might as well save that money and treat myself to a professional color. 

Money was T I G H T this year, so no pro dye jobs for me. But I will say I only dyed my hair only a hand full of times instead of every 6 weeks AND I didn't use the cheapest dye available. So  could this be a sorta win? 

Goal #6 Drink more water!!! Every time I take a sip from a cold glass of water I wonder why I don’t do it more often. 

Check!!!! Until the baby made me hate water and now it makes me gag.... 

Goal #7 Limit my TV watching during the week. I have a DVR for a reason, I might as well put it to good use. 

This was a hard core win while I was in school, but not now. I hope that I can get back on track with this so I am not shell shocked and going through withdraws when the babes come. 

Goal # 8 refocus my life. This kind of ties in with #7, starting today I am going to be working and going to school, along with still being a wife and homeowner. This is going to take some serious focus on my part, it is so easy to say “Oh I will study tomorrow” and sit down and watch hours of programs that are recording anyway or I have seen before. It’s a waste of my time and schools time if I don’t give it attention every day.

Again was a win while I was in school and I left with the highest GPA of my college career. 

Goal #9 after 8pm disconnect from the world. I am not saying turn my phone off in case someone NEEDS to talk to me but no more reading blogs, twitter, Facebook, aimlessly roaming the web, or watching TV. I need some quiet, reflective time to read, take a bath or just meditate. I think this will help with my insomnia, this will clear my head before bed. I think this is going to be the most challenging because husband HAS to watch TV before bed, honestly it annoys the crap out of me but if he needs it to fall asleep who am I to say no? So this should put a stop to that seeing as I will hopefully be in bed before he is. 

Total fail, but this is a goal for 2013 so maybe second time is a charm. 

Goal # 10 GET MORE SLEEP!!!! - pretty self-explanatory but I beat myself up during the week running on sometimes less than 6 hours a night. I know this is what causes my body to crave crabs and sugars to keep running, which in turn goes to my ass. 

Check! Some nights I was getting 9-10 hours and that was before I was pregnant! Now, its more like 10-11 but... THE BABY NEEDS IT!!!  

Goal # 11 work on my friendships. I feel my friendships suffered last year due to my bad attitude, so hopefully this cycle breaking will help me reconnect with them. I miss you guys! 

Yes and no. I think now it is more because we are in different places, either around the buckeye state or in our lives that is the issue and those are things I don't have control of. 

Goal # 12 plant a garden, this one I think will be challenging for me because I am all about planting a garden but the up keep gets me every time. I think this will also help with my mood, this will be a time for me to clear my head and S L O W D O W N. Also, who doesn’t want to be outside more when its warm. 

Having the pups put a lid on this goal, the destroyed my back yard and I didn't want to put the money in to something that didn't have a chance.

Goal # 13 Can my own food. I want to start off small but would love to delve in to this world of canning! I can’t wait to grow this food and then can it so I can eat it all year long. Talking about reaping the benefits. 

I was wallowing because I didn't get my garden and didn't can on principle... Ok, I got lazy. 

Goal # 14 Start recycling, we toss way so many recyclables, and I am ashamed of that. I think this is an easy first step to having a greener home. 

Check! We do now and as cheesy as it sounds every time a can hits the bin I smile, what can I say? I am a cheap date. 

Goal #15 try my best in school. I really want to earn every grade a get, even if it is a D I want to be proud knowing I gave it my all. 

I did! Can we say I got a B in my math class... never in my life has that happened. 

The last goal I have is probably the hardest to write.

Goal #16 stop trying for a baby for a whole calendar year. No more temping, no more charting, no more peeing on sticks. I am not giving up entirely but I think that is what contributed to my bad mood last year. I had some very rough moments this year with baby making, moments that I want to leave in 2011. Husband and I talked about starting infertility testing and I don’t think I can emotionally take it right now. Baby making is emotionally draining, stressful and heart wrenching at times and I just need a break to regroup and prepare myself for the unknown. Maybe myself or my husband have fertility problems or what if both of us do, all I know that this experience has made us stronger as a couple and cemented in us that we want children and can’t wait for the day that I get a little plus sign. Until then Husband and I want to enjoy each other again, instead of seeing each other as the needed piece to the baby puzzle.

 We all see how this turned out... or will when I shove a baby out of my V in 6 months....

12 Weeks

How far along? 12 weeks, 28 to go

 The baby is as big as: a peach

 Maternity clothes? not yet, still down a few pounds so my jeans are still fitting me. 

Stretch marks? nope.

How I am feeling: I have thrown up every morning this week... I can't wait for that symptom to be over with. 

Best moment this week?: I get to see bean today! My mom is going with me this time and she has already told me not to comment when she cries. 

Movement?:not that I can feel, but according to what I have read bean is a moving and a shaking in there. 

Food cravings?: soda. I am trying to stick to caffeine free but water is making me gag and the bubbles kind of help my tum tum. 

Gender?: no feeling anymore

Labor Signs?: nada

Belly Button in or out?:innie, but it hurts like an SOB, that is the biggest incision from my surgery and it is taking longer to heal. 

What I miss: not having such a sensitive gag reflex. If I gag I am going to throw up, it is inevitable. 

What I am looking forward to: the wonderfulness that is the second trimester 

Weekly Wisdom: something I didn't know about pregnancy is that all the hormones running through your body also make you more aware, even when you are asleep. So being the heavy sleeper I was is a thing of the past, I have exiled myself to the guest room because it was too much to try to sleep with a constantly panting dog, snoring husband and basset hound, and the general floppiness of husband too. 

Milestones: Almost to the end of this horrible first trimester. COME ON SECOND TRI!!!

11 weeks

 How far along? 11 weeks, 29 to go

 The baby is as big as: a large plum

 Maternity clothes? I have lost almost 20 lbs so my jeans are fitting pretty normaly 

Stretch marks? nope, just my new added scars 

How I am feeling: terrible, now not only am I throwing up because my body is adjusting after surgery but I am throwing up because I am pregnant too. There is just a general state of constant gag,dry heaving,  actual vomiting in my house. 

Best moment this week?: there really wasn't one. I am hopped on pain meds, which make me nauseous, which makes me vom, and then my stomach abdomen hurts from vomiting... it's a vicious cycle. 

Movement?:no, but I got 2 ultra sounds while in the hospital that told me everything was ok. 

Food cravings?: captain crunch, the original red box and kraft mac and cheese.  

Gender?: no clue any more. 

Labor Signs?: Nope

Belly Button in or out?:innie 

What I miss:not feeling terrible. 

What I am looking forward to: the wonderfulness that is the second trimester 

Weekly Wisdom: it's ok to get disillusioned with pregnancy, just don't stay there.  When you are heaving for the 4th time that day, you think to yourself, why did I willingly do this to myself? Wallow for 5-10 min then get over it. Growing a human is hard work yo. 

Milestones: the pain subsiding when I am not throwing up. 

10 Weeks

10 weeks and one day

How far along? 10 Weeks, 30 to go 

The baby is as big as: I think my what to expect app said it was the size of a lime. 

Maternity clothes? nope
Stretch marks? nope

How I am feeling: This is the week shit hit the fan and I had my gallbladder removed. 

Best moment this week?: finding out there was more to my constant nausea and vomiting.

Movement?: not yet. 

Food cravings?:watermelon, and surprisingly the store had it and it was delicious.  

Gender?: no idea at this point.

Labor Signs?: Nope

Belly Button in or out?:innie, but will never look the same. They took my gallbladder out through my belly button so I have stitches in there.  

What I miss: Not throwing up all the time, I am still having trouble keeping down solids. 

What I am looking forward to: feeling normal

Weekly Wisdom: Listen to your body, if you think something is up, something is probably up. 

Milestones: two words... pain meds.  

That time I had to have my gallbladder removed at 10 weeks pregnant....Part Deux

They finally moved me to a room after about another hour in the "holding area". At this point my Dad was with me and we started googling how my life was going to be sans gallbladder. Of course it was all the horror stories we were reading, no fatty foods at all and limited dairy for fear of debilitating gas or worse... explosive diarrhea. Be jealous of  my glamours life ladies... BE JEALOUS!!!

The lady I was sharing the room with was a trip, I get wheeled in to the room hair a mess, hospital gown flapping in the breeze and this lady is in silk pjs, hair coiffed reading the paper, obviously this isn't her first rodeo. I was an add on surgery that day which meant they could come and get me any minute if a surgery was canceled or it could be 3 am. I slept on and off as my family took shifts eating and going home to let the pups out. Then it happened.

I was really dehydrated when I got to the hospital, this doesn't help when  trying to find a vein for an IV when you already have crappy veins. The first nurse I had put my IV in my arm crease by my elbow. Which was fine and dandy when you are just getting fluids but when they put you on an actual pump that has an alarm the sounds when the line gets backed up, it sucks. If I even thought about moving my arm the dumb pump would sound. Not being in my right mind I suggested the nurse try to find a better place for the port... This resulted in 4 unnecessary puncture wounds given to me by 2 nurses, a nurses aid and then a stat nurse. The stat nurse almost got punched in the face... STAT! You see what I did there? Anyway, all the other nurses weren't too bad, they didn't dig for a vein and they said they had a last resort which was the stat nurse. She wasn't of the mentality of don't dig for a vein, this woman brought me to tears. For what seemed like an eternity she dug for a vein and said she "got one." She didn't my vein collapsed and bruised and the fluid started to build under my skin... lovely.

My last straw was when I went to the bathroom and husband asked me if I wanted to brush my teeth to feel a little human. I said I wanted too and I couldn't lift my arms from the pain of the ports, that is when it hit me. All I could do is cry, my arms and hands were covered in gauze and med tape from all the pokes and the one the stat nurse did was killing me. Husband hugged me and called the nurse back and asked her to take out the second port. I could have married husband all over again.

It was time to turn in for the night because it was looking like the morning before I would go under the knife. My dad left and my mom and husband were hashing out the details of the next day when my awesome nurse (I had her before and after surgery and she too was pregnant so we talked babies and it made me feel better) came back in and said "I take back what I said, they will be up for you in 15 min". I was in shock. It was almost 10, husband called my dad back to the hospital and I took off my jewelry and in no time I was being wheeled to surgery.

When I got in to the OR it was surreal. I met the surgeon and the  put me to sleep with out me knowing doctor. I say that because I had no idea he was starting the anesthesia he just said, "ok" and the next thing I knew I was thrashing around in recovery. It was strange to be laying on the table because they started passing instruments above me and I didn't really freak out until I saw the intubation tubes. I don't know why that scared me but it did. They put the oxygen mask over my face and had me breathe deeply and that is the last thing I remember.

I don't know where I was in my sub-conscience when I woke up but it was someplace where it required me to get up and be somewhere. I tried to get up 3 times and had to be held down by the nurses, the amount of pain I woke up in was hard to process. I kept telling them "I am in a lot pf pain." and asking if it should be like this, Then it got so bad all I could do is moan. They shot me up with 3 hits of pain meds and I was still in so much pain I said I was going to throw up. They ordered more and some anti-nausea meds and finally I found some relief. They wheeled me back to my room and I was awake which everyone was surprised and I looked around the room and asked where my dad was, he had left because he was sure I would be asleep. I told them about recovery and my mom and husband said that is why it probably took me so long to get back to my room, it took over an hour. After I got settled, mom left and I asked husband to stay and he slept in the recliner.

I was so hopped up on pain meds, and just plain tired that my pump alarm had been going off and I had no idea. The migraine lady had to call the nurse.... the noise from the pump... triggered a migraine for her... OOPS!!!

I felt terrible.

She was moaning and asking why was no one helping her and all because I moved my damn arm.

Anyway, I ate the horrible hospital food and was told I could go home that day.

For the next week and a half I was in a state of twilight sleep and just recovered in our guest room.

I am not 100% but I am getting there and the baby was fine as we left the hospital and I have an ultrasound to check on bean and see how they are baking.

That time I had to have my gallbladder removed at 10 weeks pregnant....part une

Yep.

It happened.

Some of you may be wondering where I've been.

Lemme tell you a story...

For the past few weeks I have been experiencing terrible nausea and vomiting, I honestly was chalking it up to morning sickness and was just counting the days until I was out of the hellish first trimester. None of the tricks worked, peppermint oil, crackers, carbonated soda, protein, ginger, different type of teas,any nausea treatment that was out there I tried to no avail and I was THIS close to calling my doctor for the suffering pregnant woman's best friend... zofran. But I solidered on...

Last Thursday started out rough, I choked down my peanut butter toast and got ready as usual, but as I was brushing my teeth I gagged a little and everything came right back up. I started crying. It was a battle anyway to eat at 5:30 in the morning, and now all that hard work was flushed down the toilet.
I went to work and just felt off all day, my stomach was killing me and no matter what I did I couldn't shake this persistant nausea, it was so bad that after my boss left at 4 that day I laid down on the newly installed carpet and tried not to move. When 4:30 finally came around I clocked out and slowly made my way to the car. I felt like a live round, any sudden movement and I would explode. We got home and I went straight to bed, then around 5:30 all hell broke loose. I couldn't get comfortable in bed, so I grabbed my robe and my pillow and decided to cut my vomit run distance from feet to mere inches. There is nothing like the bathroom floor when you are sick, especially my bathroom floor because not only is it bone chillingly cool but the heat vent warms it up frequently enough that you are never to hot or cold. Anyway, husband comes and checks on me and I just melt on to him. I knew I needed to throw up and that this was eminent but it just wouldn't come. It finally did and the momentary relief I felt was glorious, husband helped me to bed and moments later I was darting back to the bathroom... odd. I am usually I one and done thrower upper.

Husband fixed me some rice and mixed veggies because I wanted something bland and I had a few fork fulls and hunkered down for the night... problem was dinner wasn't sitting well. I was up and in the bathroom again. Then it hit me... I thought it was just pain from throwing up so much but when I laid back down my whole abdomen felt like a balloon ready to pop, I honestly felt like I was going to rip, right down the center. Husband and my mom got me back in to bed and all I could do was moan. There was a cycle now, throw up, feel ok for about 5 min, then the pain would start and I would writhe and moan for about 15-20 min and then I would throw up again. This was my hell from about 7-9pm. We called my OB because this wasn't morning sickness, we knew that now, but was it the flu, or something else? At this point I couldn't even hold water down and my mom and husband were on their phones, we called my OB and her answering service didn't pick up for some reason so we called my midwife, who thought it was the flu and sent husband out for fluids and some anti-nausea/vomiting meds, but when I threw that up I suggested calling my friends mom who is a nurse. She said get me to the ED regardless of what this was because I was going to needs fluids. In a last ditch effort my mom called my OB again and she echoed what my friend's mom said and she was even on call at the hospital and would be expecting us.

This is where I get on my soap box a get a little pissy.

I knew the ED was crowded, it kind of bummed me out because I knew that meant the possibility of a long wait was a possibility. We go through triage and I think to  myself a pregnant woman complaining of abdominal pain and can't keep fluids down may help me get seen faster. We sat in the waiting room for 4 FUCKING HOURS!!!! I only say it angrily because there is a sign when you first walk in that says people aren't seen in order as they come in but in severity of state or something like that. Looking around the room there were people worse off than me and people that weren't. The ones that were worse, or course see to them first. At this point My body was so exhausted and there was nothing left in it to heave so my vomiting had stopped. But you can't tell me the woman that was bragging that she had already been to the emergency department at another hospital earlier this week, AND had only come because her daughter needed to be seen so she thought she would get her foot looked at was a higher priority than me. Not only was she seen a whopping 2 hours before me but she was seen even before her own daughter. I shake my head at whoever was doing triage that night. Shame on them, and I don't even mean for myself, there was a girl that was probably 16 or 17, in so much pain she was sobbing quietly in to her fathers arms in the waiting room. That shouldn't happen.

Anyway, I spent most of my time in a wheel chair in the bathroom, I know it sounds gross but it was quiet and the corner I was in was dark, plus I didn't want to vom in the waiting room. Finally, someone must have told someone that a woman was sitting in a wheel chair in bathroom because a nurse came in and very rudely asked me what I thought I was doing in there.

 Me: I thought I was going to be sick so I came in here
Nurse: Ma'am are you ok?
Me: no, I am just waiting for my name to be called
Nurse: How can you hear it if you are in here? Your name has already been called.
Me (not liking the nurses attitude): Do you honestly think I am alone, my husband and my mother are with me and sitting in the waiting room. Somone will come in a get me AS SOON as you get to my name on this never ending list of people ahead of me.
 Nurse:.... what's your name

She finally calls my name and honestly after the whole waiting room ordeal the staff was absolutely wonderful. I finally get a bed at 2am on Friday morning and things went from bad to worse. I threw up again... yay and they ordered me pain meds and anti nauesa meds and can I just get a WHAT WHAT for morphine!!! It was glorious not to be in pain anymore, anyway they ordered ultrasounds of the babes and of my abdomen and the babes was fine (heart beat was 167 and I got to see heshe's little arm!) but then came the ultra sound of my belly. There it was, a huge gallstone in the neck of my gallbladder.

When the nurse came back in she kind of nonchalantly threw "meeting with the surgeon" in to a conversation and I was all drugged up and agreed and then once it sank in was all "SAY WHAT!?!?!" My mom called my dad told him what was up and we spread the word to family and friends. They moved me to a little room in the Clinical Decision Unit ( I, for one had never heard such a thing) and there I stayed until the meeting with the surgeon. He came in and said by the looks of it he would suggest surgery but would confirm with his attending... now, after years of watching Grey's Anatomy... I knew what this meant. My husband and mom left to get me some socks (it is freezing in hospitals yo) and something to eat because the Doc said it would be 30 min. I try to get some sleep and here he comes back 10 minutes later asked if I wanted to wait for my family and I said it didn't matter "Yep, you need surgery." I was shocked. I thought I was just suffering some hyperemises  and they were going to give me fluids and some stop vomiting meds and send me home... now surgery. I asked him to tell me in depth how this was NOT going to effect the baby and he obliged. I called my family let them know and then we waited.

Stay tuned for my shared hospital room antics, the nurses thinking I was a pin cushion, surgery and recovery.

9 Weeks

How far along? 9 Weeks, 31 weeks to go!

The baby is as big as: a prune

Maternity clothes? Not yet, but soon. I asked for Motherhood Maternity gift cards for Christmas. 
Stretch marks? nope

How I am feeling: Better this week, had a couple nauseous moments but they were manageable. 

Best moment this week?: getting momentary relief from puking 

Movement?: I could have sworn I felt something, then I farted and realized it's serious gas. 

Food cravings?:Strawberry pop tarts 

Gender?: I keep saying a boy because only a boy would make me feel this gross. 

Labor Signs?: Nope

Belly Button in or out?:innie 

What I miss: Being in control of my emotions. I hate crying, always have and because my body is chock full of raging hormones I am crying a lot more lately. I spotted earlier in the week (no cramping with it) and although it was around the time of my usual period and my uterus was going through a HUGE growth spurt I still cried. Moments before I had had a hormone driven melt down and proclaimed that I hated being pregnant and felt like it was my fault I was spotting.

What I am looking forward to: Not being a hormonal nut case. 

Weekly Wisdom: if you have a hormonal melt down, laugh about it later. 

Milestones: Not throwing up this week!