2012

As the clock struck midnight and everyone shouted “HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!” I couldn’t help but feel negative. I remember my resolutions from last years and none of them had come to fruition and I felt that every present pang of failure. But as I talked about last week with Kitty, yes, I may not have lost a ton of weight but I did lose a lot of my personal weight. Which is not something to scoff at and is something I have to remind myself of often.

As anyone would feel, I hate the feeling of failure and really didn’t want to start off my 2012 that way so I wanted to make a list of goals instead, something to strive for throughout the year.

As I wrote in my 2011 review, if I were to pick a theme from 2011 it would be bitterness and I really don’t want another year of that. My biggest goal for 2012, is to feel content with my life right here, right now. I don’t want to be consumed with envy any more. If I were a deadly sin, it would be envy and I want to break that cycle here and now, because I can say with all honesty that it holds me back and it taints my relationships.

So goal #1 -is to break the cycle and put a stop to my envious ways!

Goal #2 – Find a home church. I want to find one that fits me and what I am searching for, rather than go there because friends do or because the choir is good. Which, don’t get me wrong are both bonuses but I tend to want to be a chatty Kathy and make church a social event and lose focus as to why I am there in the first place.

Goal #3- find a healthy hobby. wither it be walking, running, biking, swimming, hiking, zumba-ing, dancing, yoga, Pilates whatever it will be I need to find something that can relieve stress in a healthy way instead of eating myself in to a coma.

Goal #4- find healthier substitutions in meals- I have been making a month’s worth of meals and freezing them in advance and it has helped so much with my stress level because now I have more time to relax in the evening. But the issue is these recipes call for a TON of butter, heavy cream, and other not so savory calorie packed items.

Goal #5- Stop box dying my hair, it is looking weird y’all. I have a reverse hombre going and it is driving me nuts, my hair is so long that I need to get 2 boxes of dye now and I might as well save that money and treat myself to a professional color.

Goal #6 Drink more water!!! Every time I take a sip from a cold glass of water I wonder why I don’t do it more often.

Goal #7 Limit my TV watching during the week. I have a DVR for a reason, I might as well put it to good use.

Goal # 8 refocus my life. This kind of ties in with #7, starting today I am going to be working and going to school, along with still being a wife and homeowner. This is going to take some serious focus on my part, it is so easy to say “Oh I will study tomorrow” and sit down and watch hours of programs that are recording anyway or I have seen before. It’s a waste of my time and schools time if I don’t give it attention every day.

Goal #9 after 8pm disconnect from the world. I am not saying turn my phone off in case someone NEEDS to talk to me but no more reading blogs, twitter, Facebook, aimlessly roaming the web, or watching TV. I need some quiet, reflective time to read, take a bath or just meditate. I think this will help with my insomnia, this will clear my head before bed. I think this is going to be the most challenging because husband HAS to watch TV before bed, honestly it annoys the crap out of me but if he needs it to fall asleep who am I to say no? So this should put a stop to that seeing as I will hopefully be in bed before he is.

Goal # 10 GET MORE SLEEP!!!! - pretty self-explanatory but I beat myself up during the week running on sometimes less than 6 hours a night. I know this is what causes my body to crave crabs and sugars to keep running, which in turn goes to my ass.

Goal # 11 work on my friendships. I feel my friendships suffered last year due to my bad attitude, so hopefully this cycle breaking will help me reconnect with them. I miss you guys!

Goal # 12 plant a garden, this one I think will be challenging for me because I am all about planting a garden but the up keep gets me every time. I think this will also help with my mood, this will be a time for me to clear my head and S L O W D O W N. Also, who doesn’t want to be outside more when its warm.

Goal # 13 Can my own food. I want to start off small but would love to delve in to this world of canning! I can’t wait to grow this food and then can it so I can eat it all year long. Talking about reaping the benefits.

Goal # 14 Start recycling, we toss way so many recyclables, and I am ashamed of that. I think this is an easy first step to having a greener home.

Goal #15 try my best in school. I really want to earn every grade a get, even if it is a D I want to be proud knowing I gave it my all.

The last goal I have is probably the hardest to write.

Goal #16 stop trying for a baby for a whole calendar year. No more temping, no more charting, no more peeing on sticks. I am not giving up entirely but I think that is what contributed to my bad mood last year. I had some very rough moments this year with baby making, moments that I want to leave in 2011. Husband and I talked about starting infertility testing and I don’t think I can emotionally take it right now. Baby making is emotionally draining, stressful and heart wrenching at times and I just need a break to regroup and prepare myself for the unknown. Maybe myself or my husband have fertility problems or what if both of us do, all I know that this experience has made us stronger as a couple and cemented in us that we want children and can’t wait for the day that I get a little plus sign. Until then Husband and I want to enjoy each other again, instead of seeing each other as the needed piece to the baby puzzle.

There you have it my goals for this upcoming year, let’s hope I can knock these out before the Mayan predicted apocalypse.