Lost it.

Ok, so I have ADD… big surprise right?

Anyway, I did the whole medication thing when I was first diagnosed but that shit messed me up. I wasn’t in control and I couldn’t think straight or form a sentence.

So needless to say I starting hiding my pills, in food, in my pocket, anywhere that meant I didn’t have to take it.

My mom pulled me off the meds in the second grade and turned to the school for help and they obliged. Instead of pills they made a plan that said I HAD to sit in the front of the class, I could get more time on tests, that I could use a calculator, and that I couldn’t take a test in a big group.

All of this worked wonders.  My teachers were always there to help and once that I saw it helped and it meant that I didn’t have to be hopped up on meds all the time I was all for it.

It took a lot of practice but I soon learned what I needed to do to stay on task, things like I had to be in a quiet, well lit area to do my work, it needed to be a big space so I could lay my paper out, I needed something to sooth nerves (I have a bad test anxiety that can sometimes flare up when I am overwhelmed) so I had to listen to music, but nothing with words.  I could only do one subject at a time and I tried to get as much done in school as possible. I wouldn’t let myself have breaks though because then the focus I had worked so hard to achieve would be broken.

It didn’t really fall in to place until high school, which was the first time I felt I was actually absorbing the material. It helped to that I could take classes that interested me as well as required courses.

Well, life got in the way and now I am back in school but I am incredibly out of practice when it comes to focusing.

For so long I would come home, make dinner, plop myself in front of the tv until bed.  Now, I am having problems getting off the couch and getting to that quite zone where I am retaining what I am reading or writing.

I think when we make the upstairs in to my office it will help, when I am not working full time and going to school full time it will help. I am just afraid that this quarter will suffer.  I am trying really hard but because of this lack of focus I am dragging. I haven’t been to bed before 1 am all week; the dark circles under my eyes are unspeakable. 

Does anyone have any tips on time management? I am in some serious need over here.