Shed some light....

I hate being so whiny... but whatev.


Ok. To make a long story short, I am still going to school but had to change my start date to spring quarter which will mean my start date is in March now. TO give us a little breathing room to try to tackle this one thing at a time.

I was talking to a friend yesterday and she asked if I wanted to do a girls night in December and I told her that I may not be here to her response "Yeah its already the middle of October." It really hit me like a ton of bricks. It is the Middle of October and Hubs hasn't gotten a transfer, which I have a whole set of issues with.
And I have sent in my FAFSA, but haven't started applying for loans because I am not going to start if Hubs can't get a transfer or a new job. It is a never ending non productive cycle.

I will say the whole way he is handling this is less than desirable. I say that because I feel like he is dragging his feet. I feel a common theme with my husband is he does enough so no one can say he didn't do anything, but he doesn't give 100%. And it is to stuff that he doesn't particularly care for i.e. house work, finding a job...I want to interject that this is me looking in on a situation. I feel this way because he doesn't do things the way I would do them. I am working on this....

So we talked about it and we agreed that it was to much to take on at once. Wedding, honeymoon, new job, move, school. So we are just focusing on job right now. Take it one thing at a time. I told my dear old husband to not procrastinate or become complacent... he can and he has had a history of it.

I will say I hate that once again I have to put my education on hold. It is something that I fiecrly want to accomplish in my life. But Lets face it, the more and more I put it off the less and less I will believe it is achievable and I will end up working in a call center for the rest of my life with golden handcuffs around my wrists.

I am beginning to think what is the point anyway. I mean I have always said that I am not some modern woman that wants to bring home the bacon and fry it up too. I want to be a stay at home mom. Now I say stay at home mom instead of homemaker because I am doing it solely for my kids, as soon as they are out at the bus stop I am back at work. So, I know that it is important to continue one's education but why put out the cash that I don't have and will never have to get a degree to stay home and finger paint with my kids? I mean School was the reason that Hubs and I were putting off starting the family. I mean not that we were going to start soon but it is the reason to start Later rather than sooner. If I were to go to school it would be a good 4 years before kids would even be mentioned. But, if that isn't there... Can you tell I am conflicted?

Also, on my mind is if I start in March that is one month away from the birth of my Niece or Nephew. Do I really want to miss this? The answer is no. But I don't know what to do? Should I stay in absence of my brother? Will it make that much of a difference if I am there or not?

I have been praying for guidance. Just some light on this situation. Well, all the situations and still feel so in the dark. All of this has been toiling inside for awhile now, and I just need.....help.