Decision Made?

I have no idea where I am going with this post. I just need to get my thoughts out of head.... think of the pensive in Harry Potter... even though that was memories... just bare with me.

The current jumble I am working on right now:

If you know me, read this blog you know by now that school is very important to me, and for reasons that were out of my control (because I was out of control) or because of extenuating circumstances it just never worked out.

I know that I want to go back to school. Getting my degree for me is something that I really want to accomplish, I haven't really finished anything since high school, so that part of my life and self esteem is seriously lacking. I am not saying I haven't accomplished anything because I have, but finish something.... nada.

I am not sure how to say this next part without sounding like a complete ditz but here we go.

I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up! I know, I know I am 23 going on 24, and I am basically grown up, and this can totally be considered back tracking but an issue I have is that everything is interesting to me, I don't think I could pick just one thing to study. I mean I want to study theater, music, art, history, poetry, classical mythology, philosophy, psychology, photography, American sign language, dance, religion, literature, culinary arts, pastry arts... just to name a few. How do I choose what to do if I haven't even done it yet?

Ok not to sound hypocritical but there are 2 very sure things I know what I want to do with my life.

I want to raise a family and make a beautiful home for them too. When ever I think about this it just feels right, I know this is what I am supposed to do. But then I come back to reality and realize that until some certain economic climates change, I will probably be pregnant behind a desk and back six weeks later pining for my new born. I can dream can't I?

Another problem that I have is that I am good at what some people see as hobbies, what I mean to say is that I am not good with Math or Science, No I am good at things like music, drama, culinary arts. All of which I know I could make a career off of but it would be one filled with stress, not knowing if I am going to get the part, where my next pay check is coming from, or what odd hours I am going to be working.

The things I am good at I don't want to do for them for a paycheck. I think it would take some of the love I have for them if I am depending on them to make my ends meet. I know you are probably thinking I could be a teacher, best of both worlds. But I have never really wanted to teach, I don't know why I don't have that in me, I guess it is because I saw how the teachers that taught outside the guidelines were handled.

So what to do? I have 2 degrees that I have started and not finished, one in Theater (which was probably the biggest waste of time. The program was horrible, so horrible they shut it down last year) and my culinary arts degree.

Should I continue or start over completely?

Bradford is the school I went to for CA degree and I can tell you, how they have handled my reentry in to the program has been ill managed. From calls not being returned, ignored emails, and pushing back my start date; I was getting pretty fed up with the situation as I feel anyone would. I finally had to write a letter to the dean to get a phone call about financial aid. I come to find out financing my education will be a lot harder than before and the school only takes money from Federal loans, Sallie Mae, and Wells Fargo.... uh last time I checked money was money and if it is green it is accepted everywhere.... yeah well not at Bradford. Anyway, long story short I found out how much it actually costs to go to Bradford, are you ready for this.... $27,000! Ok, I know it is school and I shouldn't be so surprised but I was in shock when I saw that number. I mean I knew it was expensive but come on. It is a 22 month program, it would have cost me about the same to go to J&W and I would have left with my Bachelors Degree.... my loyalty is starting to wavier. I called my friend Stacy, who was in my class when I started and talked about my predicament. She said and I quote "if I could go back, and this is just me, I would have just gotten a job a restaurant." She went on to say that yes she like being in school and did acquire some knowledge but nothing she could have learned with experience in a kitchen.....

Well crap!

Sitting here yesterday I pondered and I pondered and ran a few ideas past Husband. When I told him the actual dollar amount for school he said "why would you pay that much for a certification from a not so awesome school, when you could go to J&W and get your Bach. Degree for the same amount?" I mean it was a valid question, and I had already asked it myself. I told him my idea.

I said, "Well, I have one more option."

Option 3: Columbus State Community College

I told him my idea. I could go there for a quarter of the cost of Bradford, get my Associates of Arts Degree and find out what I really want to do. I can take a religion class, a culinary class and a philosophy class all in the same quarter and really see what I am good at. I can break away from what I know I am good at and find something new. I limit myself that way. I know what I am good at and stay under it, like a nice warm security blanket. Well, I want to break free!

To my surprise (because he loves what I cook in class) he said that he wants me to go with option 3. I can still take culinary classes while I am there, but still see what else is out there.

Can I say that when we came to this decision a huge weight felt like it had been lifted. I sighed and started looking up what to do to get started and felt all warm and gooey on the inside.