a lot on the old noggin

This happens every year.  My mind starts to race and dwell on everything. Then I become over whelmed with the feeling that I am not doing anything right and I am competely lost and loose my cool for a couple of weeks and just wander through the days looking for meaning.
I have a need for direction, to feel like I am actually doing something with my self.

I want to be on the right track I want to know that where I am is where I am meant to be.

Are you listenin' God?!

 I fear writing about my job because I am so very greatful to have one and feel bad if I complain about it.

 I will say is this, the end of August will mark my 5th year here, I have learned a lot about an industry that before I entered, never gave 2 thoughts about.

I just feel that my time here isn't being used for what I should be doing.

I feel like I am on the brink of discovering something about myself, and as I stare in to this unknown, there is a tiny voice inside me that is encouraging me to take that terrifying first step.

I am of course talking about school, but the bigger question is "what do I want to do when I grow up?"

In my early days of this blog, I made it no secret of my want to finish school and earn my degree. But when money didn't work out, transfers weren't made, programs shut down I took it as I wasn't meant to go to school blah blah blah. Then I decided to drop school althogether and become obsessed with having a baby and you can see that that hasn't happened yet.

I am starting to see maybe there is a reason for this. More than what is on the surface.

Point Blank, no questions asked I want to be a mother, I want a family but I think I was focusing on it for the wrong reasons. And although if I were to get pregnant husband, myself and the family would be over the moon excited but when the happy dust would settle we would be in dire straits finacially.

I get real down on myself about trying so many different things (theater school, culinary school, community college) but how did I know that wasn't right for me until I tried it?So now what I have is debt and a string of failed attempts at finding my right fit. My family was supportive at first but that dwindled, and I can't blame them but with the dwinlding support came something much worse, the problem of listing off the things you once said you were going to do, what you have tired, and what you have failed at along the way and getting a good laugh about it. If there is one thing my family loves it is a good "I told you so" story.

I got so fed up with every little thing I have done being smeared across my face every time I mentioned school or work that I didn't talk about it anymore, and didn't answer questions about it.

I was reduced to keeping my ideas, my thoughts, my dreams inside my own home, sometimes even from my own husband. I would wait until I was alone and do research, hiding my evidance so I wouldn't be questioned about anything.

Then one day I was so enthralled in one of my research stints that I got caught. So Husband did what he does best and he dragged the truth out of me.

And I told him how I had been feeling and that I had made a list of everything that interested me. Then narrowed the list of interests to what I could and would for a living and had been researching it for about 3 months now. I showed him my note book full of pros and cons list, prgrams of study, income projections, employment projections.

He was kind of stunned at my "report" as he called it and then wanted to know more like which one I was leaning more towards, how did this make the list and so on.

Ideas I have researched in the past 3 months:
Teaching (History or English)
Nursing
Midwifery/Doula
Surgical Technology
Medical assisting
Councling
Medical billing and coding

The more research I have done the list has dwindled down even more.
I have been praying that one will just fall in to place you know? That one day I will see something so clear that it was like "Duh, this is totally where I am supposed to be."
Right now I am still in the to scared to do anything phase  but I am trying to move forward and have been researching all of these more and more.

I will say there are some front runners but until I talk to some peeps and learn more I don't want to say one or the other.

Thankful Thursday

I haven't done one of these for awhile but after yesterday I think it is needed.


I am thankful my family is safe.

Yesterday tornadoes ripped through Alabama killing 149 people, my thoughts and prayers go to the people who perished  and their families.

The tornado that hit to close to home was a predicted F5 that touched down in Birmingham, AL, Husbands home town.

So thankful we are still whole and they are safe.

Day 17:An art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)

 One summer I went to France

This piece is in the gardens at Versailles.

I don't know who it is by or the name.

But it struck me.

I have no idea how old this is, the name of it or the artist but I loved this sculpture.

This last photo is my favorite.

Pictures via me

Day 16: a song that makes you cry (or nearly)

This is by the band Great Big Sea, this band is one that husband turned me on to.

I was skeptical at first when he said a "Celtic rock band from Canada"

This song in particular I still can't really listen to.

Husband and I were in a long distance relationship for 6 years and needless to say it was a struggle. Not only were were trying to keep a relationship alive 3 states away from each other, but we were also growing up and experiencing different things.

The first time I saw husband again was a year after we had first laid eyes on each other in France. We had talked by telephone, email and instant messenger and for my birthday my mom Surprised me with a plane ticket to Alabama.

It was like a dream. It was the first time I had seen him in a year, and now I was on a plane, by myself headed to see him. I was scared, how much did he change? would he be the same person I was so smitten with? Would he still be smitten with me? Would I even recognize him?

Then I touched down in Alabama and the rest is history I guess you would say.

The last night we were together we had no idea when we would be seeing each other again. He was in school 4 hours away from Bham, I was working but not making much so we were looking at the unknown.

The last night was hard we moped around and we shed a few tears and then it was time to take me to the airport. He had "our" song geared up to play as we drove off and as an after thought he gave me a CD of Great Big Sea. I boarded the plane and this was the second song and as I listened to it I had to lay my head down and just bawl.

When I listen to this song all of the emotion comes back, how hard it was for all those years.

This is the cheesiest video, so just listen instead.

To make up for the cheese here is a video of my fave song of theirs.

Day 15: Your dream house

I have loved this house ever since I saw the movie.


Everything about this house is perfect.

It has character

It has a wrap around porch










It has a garden











It's by the ocean










and most importantly

THE KITCHEN IS TO DIE FOR!!!!!!

add something like this off the master bedroom and it is move in ready.

 via    via  via

Day 14: a non-fictional book

via

If you haven't read My Life in France, I totally suggest you should.

This couple was so madly in love it almost gives you a tooth ache (I guess I am on a Clueless kick), and the food, OMG THE FOOD she describes makes it hard to read on an empty stomach.

This is a gem, she is a gem and her food is mouth watering.

Julia and Paul.... I heart you.

Day 13: a fictional book

I really wish my pallet for books was a little more refined but at least I am reading right?

The House of Night Series is for lusty, twlight obsessed pre teens that need something to fill the void until the next movie comes out....

My friend here at work told me I HAD to read it and I thought it would be a great time filler in the car on the way to see my brother graduate from basic.

When I started reading it I was bombarded with vampires, Native American goddesses, elemental powers and  thought "this is SO stupid" and tossed the book aside and didn't touch it the rest of the trip.

But then on the drive home, I was super bored in the back seat and thought I would give it another shot.

I started it over and once I got past the first couple chapters I could not put it down. I read it cover to cover finishing a little before 2 am.

I was hooked, I read all the avaiable books in a week and now am one of those people who know when the next installment is coming out.... I may or may not have pre-ordered the latest installment when I got my kindle. What!?!?!?!?!? Don't judge me!


via



Day 12: Something you are OCD about

I don't know if I am OCD about anything or if it is that I just find things REALLY annoying.

One thing I know I am OCD about is making lists:
I have to make lists, whether it is for the grocery store or how to solve a problem, a list always helps me.



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I mean if you go back through my posts... I have even posted lists...which is lame but hey, you do what you gotta do.

A list of what I make lists for (I am not even kidding, these are all in my notebook or on my phone right at this very moment):





Groceries

Chores

Crafts I want to do

Renovation things I want to do

Baby names
What to get for baby
What to pack for a trip
How to solve a problem: pro vs. con
Books I want to read
Recipes I want to try
Milestones I want to achieve
Goals
Bucket list
Amazon.com
Places I want to go

This is all I can think of right now.

Oh and one other thing I am OCD about, if while writing my list, or anything for that matter, I mess something up... I have to rewrite it. I cannot stand squiggles or marked out writing on anything.

Day 11: A photo of you recently... let's all pretend I kept up with this ok?

How recent is recently?

The last pictures ok pictures I have of myself are from my honeymoon which was 2 years ago.

Seeing as I try to avoid cameras, this mission may be futile.

So come back in a day or two to see if I have found one.

The ABC's of Mrs. G

A. Age: 24, almost 25
B. Bed size: Queen and it is to SMALL with husband, me and the dog, we all fight for a piece.
C. Chore you hate: Dishes.
D. Dogs: Dot, she is a basset hound
E. Essential start to your day:Caffeine
F. Favorite color: it changes all the time, right now it is yellow
G. Gold or silver: Sliver
H. Height: 5’1
I. Instruments: Voice with a touch of french horn and trumpet
J. Job title: WORX warranty specialist, Customer service rep, wife, Gardner, maid,chef
K. Kids: not yet
L. Live: Ohio
M. Mom’s name: Fran
N. Nicknames: Katy, wife, Mrs.G
O. Overnight hospital stays: None
P. Pet peeve: slow drivers, not putting the toilet seat down, not closing cabinets/doors all the way, instead of bringing the laundry basket upstairs (the one that has been in the living room for 3 weeks), which is your job, you bring what you are wearing upstairs instead, leaving said basket in the living room...
 Q. Quote from a movie: "I was surfing the crimson wave and had to haul ass to the ladies" true story: I used this on a male teacher once and he didn't get it so I told him that I was on my period and needed a tampon.Ha! made him blush, he didn't make me give a reason as to being late to class again.
R. Right or left handed: Right
S. Siblings: 5: one biological, one step, 3 in-law
T. Time you wake up: 7:40... a.k.a waaaaaaaay to late
U. Underwear: what ever I can find to fit my big ass, trying to get it back down to VS pink size
V. Vegetables you dislike: Brussel sprouts, but I am going to give them another try.
W. What makes you run late: hitting snooze to many times
X. X-Rays you’ve had:arm,teeth,kidneys,foot
Y. Yummy food you make: I like to like, and my husband agrees that most things I make are yummy, but he is VERY partial to my Shepard's Pie
Z. Zoo- favorite animal: The pandas and the elephants

She's been waiting for this

This is my Grandma.

Tomorrow is the day she has been waiting for, for a long time now. She is having ankle replacement surgery.

Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers.

things that go bump in the night.

Hubs and I are convinced that we have a ghost.

He thinks its cool.

I don't because in recent movies that shit always comes after the woman.

Anyway so weird stuff has been happening, like so:

1. After dinner one night we (Hubs, Me, Dot) all went to the basement. I pushed the casserole dish back to the back of the stove so the pup couldn't get it. After I finished using the computer we all came upstairs to see the spoon that had been in the casserole dish in the middle of the kitchen floor.
2.On the say day husband and I both noticed that our kitchen table had been moved considerably to the left. He asked me why I moved the table and I told him I was going to as him the same thing. Weird thing was there weren't any drag marks in the carpet.
3. One night, hubs was working and I walked in to our bed room and noticed that all of hubs drawers were pulled out a little bit and all the pulls were sticking straight out. A little freaked out I closed the drawers and and laid the pulls down. I asked husband when he got home how many drawer he got in to that morning and he said the top 2. I told him what I had seen that evening and being the ghost hunters enthusiast that he is he decided to try to replicate what I had seen. We couldn't figure out how the drawers got pulled out and we couldn't get the pulls to stay up.
4. My dot will just sit and stare at nothing. She is a pretty timid dog but when she is at home she is fine. One day while doing laundry she walked out of the laundry room and in to the man cave, stopped, ears back, tail between her legs and walked with extreme caution to the futon, not making eye contact.

When you are alone I think you are more aware of what is going on around you. I know I am, and with these previous happenings, it is hard to tell the difference between the house settling and some demon trying to get me. I have a general rule of thumb, if I hear something and my dog doesn't then it is just me being paranoid. If I hear something and she does too, then I know to pay attention.

A few times there have been nosies coming from upstairs, and as long as they stayed there I didn't care. And I tell you what, I sure as hell am not going up there to investigate. Screw that.

but then in the past few days, strange noises have been coming from my kitchen. Loud enough to make me mute the tv and listen.

Then last night as I was standing chopping up cilantro in the kitchen when I thought I heard someone talking then it sounded like mumbling. It wasn't directly behind me but it sounded like it was in the living room. I was home alone, no tv on. When I called out, to see if my husband was home and there was no answer is when the talking seemed to become muddled.

I didn't realize how uneasy I was until I my shadow scared the crap out of me.

I have never felt in danger before but that was the first uneasy feeling I have had.


What say you?

Do you believe in ghosts? Should I investigate more?

Word to the wise.

Oh Dear Husband,

When your lady is making the moves on you, don't make refrence to her body odor.

She worked out right before you got home from work.

And you too were not at your peak of freshness.

"Let he who is without stink, cast the first stone."

Just some advice.

That is all.

Things they don't tell you before you get married.

*******TMI ALERT****** I say the word poop in this post.

They never tell you that the amount of privacy you think you need will dwindle down to almost nothing.

What I am about to tell you is true and I ask that you not judge me to harshly because I am appalled at my actions:



Husband got home from work, announced that he had to poop.

Honestly, not strange in my house.

Not only did he not shut the door, but we had a full fledged conversation about our days and acted like this is totally normal and happens in every household.

Then, about 30 min later, I had to poop and I didn't shut door and I recapped a miniseries that ended on Sunday.

WHEN DID IT BECOME OK IN MY HOUSE TO TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE WHILE POOPING!?!?!?!?

I am ashamed.

I miss the mystery (if you can call it that, I was never that curious) of what happens behind closed doors.

coming together.

I need to revamp my blog to add some pizazz to it.

I want incorporate my weight loss blog and my home renovation blog all in to one, but let them keep there own pages.... make sense?

I am horrible with computer stuff.

Any volunteers?

Something Fun

What's in a name?

Found this at Love and Lace and thought it would perk up my mood.

How did your parents decide on your name?

My parents had my middle name picked out already. My name was going to be Summer but my mom didn't like it with my maiden name so they changed it to my mom's confirmation name just a different spelling. Which they claim is the most popular spelling of my name but I have yet to find a ruler or other school supply item with Katy spelled K A T Y.

Do your initials (first/middle/last) spell anything funny?

KDG- No but my first and middle initial sound like my first name, my dad wanted me to go by the initials not the actual spelling.

Did you take your middle name from childhood or did you drop your middle name and take your maiden name as your middle name?

Because I took my husbands last name and I didn't know that it was going to be such a PAIN to drop my middle name and use my maiden name instead I am now KDG and not KHG which is what I want to do eventually.

Are you or will you name your children systematically? (ie, same first letter, same origin, etc)

No. The only name thing we are doing is using at least one family name. I am doing this to get away with using Hunter (my maiden name) as a first name for one of our future sons.

Did you decide on baby names as a little girl? Did you stick to them or change your mind?

Oh they change all the time.

When I was younger I wanted to name my daughter Panther. I am, and so is my future daughter, glad that I changed my mind.

 Does your family have any names that have been passed down through generations?

We don’t have one name but my dad started the tradition of the first born son as having Mark as a middle name, and so far it is 3 generations strong.

Because my  husbands family doesn’t have anything like that,I decided I wanted something special like that for my boys so one will have Thomas (Mr.'s middle) as there middle name.

Do you look at the meaning of the name or just the name itself?

For naming my children I look for meaning just to know but I don't know if it would make me change my mind on a name I really liked. Unless it meant donkey balls or something.

Do you name pets with human names or pet names?

People names, they were all older names. I had Molly, Charlie and now I have Dot.

Are there any names that you have an affinity or dislike for based on a childhood experience/someone you once knew?

I had a friend Kaleigh who turned out to be just a mean person and never really valued our friendship she was friends with me because I started to get attention in the music program and the theater program. Ruined the name for me, which is such a pity I loved the name Kaleigh before she came along.

What are some of your favorite names & why?

I will share but to all you preggos and people who know someone who is preggo that I may know as well BE WARNED!

If you take my baby names I will hold a grudge (true story).

Boy: Owen, Hunter, Emmett

Girl: Harper, Charlotte, Caroline, Lydia, Bryce, Kennedy

*** I thought this would help my mood but blogger is being a bitch and posted it all weird and wouldn’t let me fix it. Which flared up my frustration, but hopefully this is fixed. *****

P.s. Little Woman, sorry I had to delete the original post and your comment, but as always thank you for commenting!  

Bad mood.

I hate being in a bad mood, but man am I in one today.

There are several contributors to my mood:
It's my time (I don't care if you think this is TMI)
My weigh in left me frustrated
No matter what time I go to bed I never feel like I am getting enough sleep
Feeling like the only reason my family wants to see me is because I have something they need or want
The guilt that my mom gives me all. the. freaking. time.
Other peoples peppiness that in turn mocks me and my mood
Getting in to busy season at work. It is always a hard transition.
and some other things I can't list on here because of prying eyes
I am this close to punching a kitten (not really I think they are cute and fluffy, I am just trying to make a dramatic point as to how bad my mood is right now... so back off PETA).

I have hit a whatever you want to call it with my asses bigness. I think what pisses me off the most is the fact that it is happening so early in the process.

I have so much to loose that I know it is going to take a long time so when I am busting my ass working out, counting calories, menu planning, cooking and everything in between it is just a freaking slap in the face when the scale says you gained a pound.

I am going to say it is water weight from surfing the crimson wave (name the movie quote!!!), or the fact that I am using my Wii fit board. I think that I am going to buy an actual digital scale and use that from here on out.

Anyway. it is almost lunch time and as much as I want to wallow in my own self pitty with some french fries and some other grease laden food, I am going to take the high road and eat my baked potato...