My plea

This post is whiny at it's best... I promise a tasty Tuesday after this vent. I am sorry my blog has been lack luster and down lately but that has pretty much been the aura around me. I try to change it but the dark clouds have a hold of me. Hopefully I will get some sun shine soon.

This morning I hit my boiling point and I am tired:

I am tired of his blatant disregard of my requests, I am tired of having to always go back over what he has done, I am tired of being laughed at, I am tired of the disrespect, I am tired of the mess, I am tired of trying, I am tired of caring, I am tired of being alone, I am tired of my expectations not being met, I am tired of this feeling, I am tired of going to be by myself almost every night, I am tired of not being a team, I am tired of working against one another, I am tired of the excuses, I am tired of the "I'll get it later."

I will give kudos to him for doing the dishes yesterday, well as much as he could. But....

There is so much I want to say to him but I am tired of beating a dead horse. I get excuses like "Our thoughts on clean are totally different"" Why should I give up my weekend to clean," and my personal favorite... "It doesn't bother me." But, why do I feel like I am expected to? I mean is it because I don't pay a majority of the bills so you think I need to earn my keep? What is it? Please tell me. I mean its not like I don't contribute. I do contribute money wise, so why can't you contribute more home wise?

I have done the make a list thing, split the house hold chores until we both get in to a routine and I got laughed at. I thought it was a good idea because we both have never lived with the opposite sex and the species being completely different us an understatement. I have nagged, I have yelled, I have ignored. I am not saying he is totally at fault here. I mean I am a messy person, but, and I have told him this, once I get the place clean I do try to keep it that way. He is such a force to be reckoned with. He says I should give him a chance, so I ask him once and get the "I'll get it later" then 3 days pass and it is still not done. I mean how much of a chance do you need? I give you 3 days to do it and that in my book is 2 days to many. I mean I have really tried to make a change, you ask and I try to do. I felt like I was being a bad wife because the house was a mess, I was a mess. I was crying myself to sleep because I felt like a horrible wife, but I am starting to question if it is really just me.