Thursday, May 30, 2013
Child Birthing Classes: Your life after pregnancy
In kind of the same sense after you say I do, you find yourself on the other side looking at each other and then some one begs the question "Now what"? Only thing is the now what is keeping a tiny human alive and your marriage a float.
You spend 9 months prepping for this HUGE life change and now its here and will be for 18 years.
We talked about easy ways to help ease in to your new life like making a food train (I think there in an actual website for this so people don't quadruple up on the lasagnas), or scheduling blocks of time for visitors, hiring a PP doula to help around the house, or not being afraid to ask a family member to fold that last basket of laundry for you.
The biggest thing I was worried about was how we were going to manage the visitors. Do we want them to come to the hospital? to our house? in shifts?
Husband and I decided that we wanted most people to see us in the hospital if at all possible. One thing my SIL said was that her first day home with my nephew was so overwhelming that it took away from the moment. EVERYONE was in their tiny living room passing the baby around and you could tell all she wanted to do was take her bra off and take a damn nap. I can remember cooking for them, I made about 2 weeks worth of freezer meals, and her coming in the kitchen thanking me with tears in her eyes and giving me a big hug. I told her to pull up a chair and I would talk to her about the food, I just talked and she gazed off in to space but I think she was thankful for the break in conversation.
One HUGE factor I had to think about was my fur babies, I know everyone says that once I have SB they will become dogs and not my "kids" and that maybe true, but for the time being I have to make sure for my dogs sake, my sake and my child's sake, that this transition be as smooth as possible. That being said, I don't think bringing home the new baby and then adding both sides of the family converging on the house at once will be good for anyone.
Not to mention, Husband and I just had a major life change and I would like to have time for us to adjust for a few hours/a day in our home before we add a bunch of people to the mix.
We also talked about the hits your marriage can take, seeing as you are both sleep deprived and winging this whole parenting thing. One thing Tanya said was she and her husband actually had to go to therapy to learn how to fight and they would schedule it. As funny as that sounds it works for them, if its 2 am and the baby won't go down for the night and you are at your wits end, that is probably not the best time to work through something. Her point was you have to find what works and what is manageable for you and your spouse.
Another point she made was never put the baby (if you are co sleeping) in between you. Think about it, you can't be physically intimate until cleared by a medical professional. But spooning, cuddling or just plain laying next to one another can make you feel like you are still an "Us" and not SB parents, or completely nuts.
One major thing is how my role is going to change, I mean husbands is going to change too but because my body will actually respond to being away from the baby or if the baby needs something it can be harder for the woman to pull out of the mommy mode and be in wife mode. It's all about patience and finding the balance between being a spouse and a parent. It's going to be a learning process.
The point of this class is this is going to be hard on you as a couple so don't fight one another and just grab hold of each other and fall down the rabbit hole.