getting back on track

You saw in my happening post that I lost just about 50lbs from the birth of Sarah (summer 2013) to last summer.

Y'all I wore shorts in public.

I haven't done that since I was a senior in high school, 10 very long years ago.

Anyway, I knew I had taken a huge chunk out of my weight loss goal, but still had a ways to go.

I did it through weight watchers but the cost of monthly meetings was becoming a burden, so I had to stop my monthly membership after about 5 months.

I was golden until the holidays hit, actually until Christmas.

I had put on about 5 (or so) lbs before Christmas but I thought I could handle that number and as soon as the holidays were over I would knock it out like before.

Well on Christmas I got in to a hand to mandolin fight and I totally lost. I cut the tip and most of my nail off of my middle finger on my right hand.

It wasn't terrible, considering where I work I see people loose whole hands, arms, legs, you name it. It was just very, very painful.

Anyway, I got really depressed afterward. I couldn't do anything with my hands with out a white hot pain shooting through my hand. Let me tell you something, do you know how much you hit your hands during the day? Or how drawn to a bandaged finger a toddler can be? Or how hard it is to change a diaper with a bum finger?

I know it sounds silly to get down and out about a finger that was going to heal and be fine but I did. And how did I wallow in my depression, with cookies, and fudge and ice cream.

Seriously, I am surprised I made it out of 2014 not being a diabetic.

Anyway, I have now gained, what I feel like is 15 lbs, I don't weigh myself unless it is an utter last resort. All I know is the jeans that I was running through fields in July because they fit, I can't even button any more.

So I sat down and devised a plan.

I really need to get my body and mind in check. I don't want to be on a diet forever, and I don't want to pay for weekly weigh ins forever too.

I want to make healthier choices and see my daughter make those same choices.

Guys, she actually brought me a bag of potato chips a couple weeks ago and I about died.

I know you guys have seen numerous posts just like this, but this is bigger than me, it's so my daughter grows up with a positive mentality towards healthy choices instead of a love affiar with twinkes. Seriously, my mom's motto is "I never met a twinkie that told me I was a bad person."

And we wonder why I have problems with food.

1/2 a thought

Surgery update.

I had my medical evaluation and had gained 5lbs since March...not awesome

The lady processing my information couldn't have been a pound under 300 if I had to guess.

The whole situation made my inner monologue take off.

If she works here why hasn't see had a surgery? I feel silly for being here having her work up my information.

I met the doctor, a nutritionist, and the insurance rep.

Everything went ok, I found out we are going to have to contribute more than we thought, which isn't stellar but it was expected.

I am iron, vitamin D and B12 deficient.

That explains the lethargy and bouts with sickness.

I made the next round of appointments but there was this pestering doubt that kept floating in front of me like a gnat. I would swat it away but it kept coming back.

I am not going to say I wouldn't have the surgery and that I am having second thoughts, cause if they called me tomorrow saying some anonymous donor covered the bill and I can have it tomorrow I would.

So I say I am having half of a thought.

I don't know what it is, actually, I kind of do.

They surgery I originally went in for started to look like a mistake and from what I had gathered from forums and talking with someone that had had the surgery, the lap band is more like a diet aid. It didn't give them the results they wanted and they fell back in to the same bad eating habits and put weight back on. Some even went back under the knife for a more evasive surgery.

So I was left with chance.

Should I chance it and get the lap band or do I want to nip the potential problem in the bud and go head and get the sleeve?

The sleeve for those of you not up on the gastric surgery lingo is where they remove most of your stomach and leave you with a small section. Your stomach will eventually stretch and get bigger, but not to the football size it is now.

I couldn't believe that I was considering removing more than half of a body organ. I mean isn't that usually a bad thing?

My main question with the doctor was could I have a normal and healthy pregnancy with either surgery. They said for a post surgery patient yes, for a normal person no, it wouldn't be considered normal. Normal for post surgery because I would already be on supplements so they would just add more on, not normal for a non surgery person because I would be taking fist fulls of pills to make sure me and baby were as healthy as could be.

Make sense?

I am a worry wart in the worst way (say that three times fast), I started having these far fetched scenarios where I would have the surgery, pic up some germ or virus like the plauge or a flesh eating virus and then my body then becomes riddled with infection and I almost die. But I don't because in my scenarios I always get saved in the nick of time, but the doctor tells me my baby maker was so severely damaged that I can never have kids....

or the more realistic, what if I have the surgery and have difficult pregnancies, ones riddled with blood work, bed rest and pills.

I mean that could happen anyway but I would know that is just how my pregnancy is going and not because I had this surgery.

Then I start to think, Mrs.G you can do this, you are strong enough to take on this challenge, you see people like you do it everyday.

Then the little asshole in my head says I can't.

This is going to seem out of left field but stay with me.

I have been a nail biter for years, a serious one in fact.

But one day I painted my nubbin nails, and usually my nails get a little longer because who would want to gnaw on nails and get polish in their mouths too? Not me.

So I just kept them painted and all of a sudden my nails were growing, and soon they were just peaking out over the tops of my finger and now they are actual nails.

I just stopped biting them.

I haven't since, granted the temptation is their, but if it gets too strong I paint  my nails and the temptation is gone.

I curbed my temptation by taking my mind off it and doing something productive for me not to bite my nails. Sounds like a mentality that could help me with my eating habits. When I am tempted to eat outside of a meal/snack time I need to do something productive.

If I can break a vice of mine that has plagued me for years who is to say I can't do this too?

I think I might give healthy eating and living one more strong go.

If it doesn't work, that I could still continue with the surgery, but knowing that I tried, this one last time would make me feel a lot better.

I am not sure if I am going to blog about it, updates here and there but not actual weekly updates or a dedicated blog series.

Just wanted to let you know where I am with everything.

Happy Tuesday!!

The Healthy Life : Regaining control

Here I am, heavier that I have ever been, but my determined than I have ever been before.

I have found that in the beginning of this series I had the control, I had the right focus, but then I lost it. Somewhere it from being healthy for baby to clothes, no idea how that happened but it did. Then bad habits reformed and the spiraling out of control became to much so I had to stop and ask for directions...

My focus is back, WITH A VENGEANCE!

there are 2 easy steps to being more healthy:
1. what you eat and portion control
2. Moving your body
(thanks Jack Sh*t)

I don't want to give myself a deadline, not anymore. How can you give a lifestyle a deadline? So, I am not going to say I want to be this size or this weight by this date, but I will say I would like to be as healthy as I believe I can be by September 6th 2010. Why that specific date... well that is my first wedding anniversary, it is a milestone date for my husband and I because of the obvious and also because after that date hubs and I have decided to try to start our family. So, I am not going to put a size on it, I am going to say "I want to be as healthy as I can believe I can be."

I made a list of the unhealthy things I do and it is pretty bad but changeable:

1. I drink waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to much soda
2. I don't get enough sleep
3. I am a couch potato
4. I don't eat enough veggies
5. I have no sense of portion control
6. Hubs and I have super rich and heavy dinners

I really want to change all of these things in to positive, healthy things like grabbing a bottle of water instead of soda, have a more set in stone sleep schedule, be active and so on.

It is coming back, now to keep my focus....

It is time...

To continue my quest for the healthy life!

The fire has been lit under my to big bottom and can I say that I am happy to feel that heat. When I started this journey I stated that my depression controls (as much as I wish it didn't) a huge part of my life and for the past few months it has been hard to keep my head above water.

But, I have seen the light at the end of the this tunnel and have a breathed the fresh air and I am ready to get back to it.

Something I realized too, in my own personal pit of despair, Do I really need to be a size 10 to be happy? My janky body image thing crept up again and I had it in my head that I had to be the skinnest I have ever been to be happy. The only issue was this is supposed to be about getting healthy right? Not a pant size. So I had to reanalyze my goals and how I am going to go about this.

When I did my confession I talked about my purging and that is another reason why I stopped my Healthy Life because it had become a sham. It was never enough, the work outs were never long enough, I never cut enough calories... it is a dark and twisty sprial. So how does one become healthy when you pine to look like the girls on the runway? The truth is I still don't have an answer for you yet. I am going to try my darnedest though.

Goals to focus on this time around:
1. Getting to a healthy BMI
2. Losing inches
3. Work on toning my muscles

My new goal weight will be anywhere between 150-160lbs. That will get me out of the "OMG you are going to die" BMI range and will get me comfortably on my way to "you are going to live a normal life with out Wilford Brimley saying Diabetus and it pertaining to me" BMI

I am going to invest in a few healthy recipe books, books like Eat, Shrink and Be Merry and Maybe a Volumetrics book. I will see what Half price books has in store for moi.

The Healthy Life: Tastefully Tuesday!

Well My chickadees after my last weight in I am down my 7.5 lbs!!!!!!!!

I couldn't be happier! I know it took longer than 4 weeks and that was due to my lack of exercise, but now I can focus more on my work outs. Eating healthy is becoming a second nature to me and some of the recipes I have tried are awesome. So, as promised here is my first Tastefully Tuesday 2.0

Portobello Pizza:

A delicious recipe that substitutes a portobello mushroom for a pizza crust....yummo! Just like any pizza take this basic recipe and make it your own.

What you need:

1 large portobello mushroom, stem removed
1 tablespoon spaghetti sauce
1/2 cup mozzarella cheese
1/2 tablespoon sliced black olives
4 slices pepperoni sausage
1 clove garlic, chopped

What to do:
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
Place the mushroom on a baking sheet, and bake for 5 minutes in the preheated oven. Remove from the oven, and spread spaghetti sauce in the cup of the cap. Top with cheese, olives, pepperoni and garlic.
Bake for an additional 20 minutes, or until cheese is melted and golden

Calories: 235

Tips:

don't rinse off your mushrooms. Use a damp cloth to wipe them off instead. Mushrooms are so absorbent that if you rinse them off your pizzas will turn out watery and runny.

The Healthy life: Healthy food in review

I am down 0.5 lbs last week. Can you tell I didn't work out... at all. I was having a really off week but yesterday was the beginning of week 3 and I had a good 30 min Latin dance cardio work out. I will review the work out later but right now lets talk grub.



Being on a diet you automatically think you are going to be eating cardboard for your diet duration but there are some amazing healthy food out there. This is what I have found


Breakfast :
My breakfast is pretty straight forward, I either have frosted mini wheats or Quakers weight control oatmeal in maple brown sugar. Can we say YUM!!!! I actually prefer the weight control to the regular, I know it may all be in my head but I think it tastes more mapley and sweet and it is the perfect size for yours truly. I have branched out from my original flavored mini wheats to the strawberry delight and ladies... delish! I am very picky about my fruit flavored food because I seldom think it tastes like the actual fruit but I am sooooooo glad I took a chance with this one.


Lunch:
I now am a brown bagger (or in my case white polka dotted lunch boxer) for lunch and I wanted something healthy, quick and easy. So what is easier than a microwave meal? Pretty much nothing. You tend to walk a very thin (ha!) line with mwm (microwave meals), yes they maybe low in calories but you have to look at the whole label, look at the sodium content the grams of fat and compare the choices you have.


I decided I would stick with Healthy choice meals 1. because they have a HUGE variety of foods, not just frozen and 2. they were the healthier option. Here is what I have had this week and my thoughts...



Sweet Asian Pot stickers: This little gem is awesome. The pot stickers actually taste like pot stickers you would get from a Chinese restaurant. I was so afraid the dough was going to be gooey but it was perfect. The sauce is a little to be desired but the pot stickers more than make up for it. Other bonus... it's a vegetarian meal!


Portobella Marsala Pasta: This is probably the most flavorful healthy frozen meal I have had. Everything just comes together in this meal and it is just darn tasty...



Tuscan Style chicken: This has the potential, but I was left wanting. You feel like you get more than enough food, but the sauce just was missing some punch you know. The first think I said after my first bite was "this needs something, some salt and pepper maybe."

I will be starting Tastefully Tuesday next week and review and share some of the healthy and yummy recipes I have found.

Have a happy Friday eve everyone!!!!

The healthy life: I.hate.weekends.

Period. I hate them. They are so much harder than I expected.

As soon as the clock strikes 5 on Friday, a beast is awakend inside of me and it needs to eat... all the freaking time!!!!!

Not to mention I have my woman's monthly working against me (first one since Oct) but come on! The hits just keep on comming.

I am up 1lb, but it is cool back to it today and I will get the 1lb back off in no time.

The Healthy life: some ideas

I have been pondering the rewards issue and I do have some prerequisites for my rewards;

1.They can't be food, or involve food
2. They have to be for me,Not for the house.
3. They have to be something that isn't going to come with loosing weight (i.e. get my rings re sized)

really that is it.

This is what I have thus far (this list is still up for revision)
210lbs: Mary Kay product
200lbs: A Pandora Charm
190lbs: a piece of Lia Sophia Jewelry
180lbs: A new out fit
170lbs: Mani/pedi
160lbs:Day of pampering, a massage or maybe a facial
150lbs: Go back to dance class
140lbs: A Coach purse (a real one)
130lbs: The makeover! New Clothes! New hair cut! New Me!

The healthy life: Rewards?

To reward or not to reward? that is the question.

A friend of mine, who is also on a weight loss journey, were gabbing at lunch yesterday and she said she made a list of rewards to give herself along the way. Brilliant! Why didn't I think of that... oh that's right because I always reward myself with food, well fiddledede. It made me think, I have goals... all after the weight loss has already happened. So what should be my goals for the in between the little milestones that come with loosing 90 lbs?

I need some ideas....

The Healthy life: the ups and downs of weigh ins

Last night I was exhausted, so exhausted that after dinner I fell asleep until 8:40.... not a stellar choice on my part.

What I am trying to get at was I didn't work out last night (boooo, hiss). But I just counted up my calories for the day and didn't even break 1000... which, to tell you the truth I didn't even mean to do.

I know that I shouldn't weigh at night but I woke up around 11:30 and was curious. So, I go downstairs and get the wii fit set up and step on. It says that I have gained 2 lbs...WHAT!?!?!?! this can't be right, so I step off, and do it again.... it says I have now gained 4lbs. At this point even the wii fit says this is weird, it is late and to do another body test tomorrow at 6:15pm which is when I did my first initial body test. In that split second, where I saw that number say +2 I was already at my fridge eating cookie dough.... but I pulled it back in and said try again tomorrow. It is amazing how happy I was about the 1.3lbs and how gaining 2lbs can bring my world crashing down in a blaze of over eating.

This is where I have had a lot of trouble. When I am loosing weight nothing can stop me (but me) but if there is even the slightest flux in my weight I think "well, this isn't working, I guess I was meant to be fat." and then push myself to the brink of a food induced comma.

This time, yes I still got upset. But! I stopped myself, slapped myself out of it and actually looked at the situation. Heck, even my wii fit was telling me something was off and to try again tomorrow. This may not be a weight loss victory, but it was a victory none the less. I know that doing this for 46 weeks is a HUGE undertaking and I am going to feel overwhelmed, depresed, and just plain sad, but if I keep having these little (big) victories then I KNOW I can do this.


Tonight is back on track... Have a great Tuesday everyone!

The healthy life: the first weekend

This. weekend.was.hard. when I am at work it is so easy for me to stay on track calorie wise. On the weekends though, when it is cold and snowy outside It is hard to stay away from the fridge. I just wanted to munch all day long. It was really hard but I got through it.

I am happy to say that I am down 1.3 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited! Who would have thought 1.3 lbs would make my day? It is a little victory in my 46 week weight loss journey.

The healthy life: Day one

I wasn't going to start this until Monday but I had to start today.

I have been keeping a very strict food journal these past couple a weeks and needless to say I was blown away. I know I was eating more than the recommended calories on any given day but some days were just out of control, I think my highest was in the 3500 range. I just had to start today. I didn't see a reason to put it off any longer.

Day one of week one and I feel strong, I feel confident. I got up this morning and dusted off my lunch box because this new healthy lifer wasn't going to Wendy's today, and filled it with healthy goodness. This morning I have ate breakfast! I know, I was shocked too. I had frosted mini wheat and a banana. I started to eye my diet coke but opted, on this cold snowy Thursday, for some green tea. It was ok... I may have to try out some different teas to find one I like. Any suggestions bloggies?

As I sit here and munch on some baby carrots, I have planned out my day eating wise. and exercise wise and I couldn't be happier.

The Healthy Life: The plan

Well everyone it is done. The plan is in place and I think it is totally doable. With help from the world wide web and one of the healthiest people this is what I came up with:

These are the goals:

Eating and lifestyle:

stay within 1200-1400 calorie range

Eat lower calorie and lower fat foods

Eat moderate carbs

Switch to whole grain

Keep a food journal (started yesterday)

Drink lots of water and tea instead of soda

Really read and learn the good and bad things to look for on a nutrition label

Exercise:

6 days a week; 3 of aerobic, 3 of strength training (alternating)

Start with 30 min exercises and increase time at my own speed

as promised here are starting pictures...... le sigh.

Yes I am standing on my toilet. I told Hubs about the blogging aspect of this weight loss crusade and told him that he better get a new memory card for our camera stat so I don't have to use my crappy phone pictures anymore. you can clearly see the areas I am going to be targeting in my workouts... ahem mid section.

P.S. I look preggers in this picture. Now I remember why I don't take pictures from the side.....

I will go ahead and say it. As you can tell this is going to take a lot of work. But, this time it just feels different, I feel more determined than I ever have to follow through and get healthy.

Does anyone have any good suggestions for books on this subject matter? Not Diet books per say but lifestyle books? Is that being to picky?

There you go bloggies, have a wonderful day and see you back tomorrow for another installment of the Healthy life.

The healthy life: Getting started...where to start?

I know I said there would be a plan.... but I don't have one yet.

I know I want to loose weight but where is the starting point?

I have tried many times to loose weight and I have tried many weight loss aids to help. Everything from Nutrisystems to slimquick and I have had mixed results, obviously.

The best:
Weight watchers
Atkins
Slim quick cleanse

The worst:
South beach
Nutrisystems <---- gold star for horribleness

So with everything I have tried I am overwhelmed with my options for weight loss. What will work? Should I use a diet aid? Can I really only eat meat and cheese for 2 weeks? Why is it $65.00 for 3 months to join weight watchers?

I started my research. Because I am on a strict budget and can't afford to get a membership anywhere I am on my own for this.... Gulp!

I was scouring the Internet for more information on how to get started. How can I take my first step in to a healthy life? Then I stumbled upon webmd ( a home away from home for us hypocondriacts), and they actually have some really good insight and information about my body and what it is doing. Ok, take it with a grain of salt because it is a website but still a good generalization none the less.

After I put in all of my info this is what it told me.

YOUR GOAL:Over the next 90 days, you would like to lose 24 pounds(actually 22 but that wasn't an option) .

YOUR STARTING POINT:
1. YOUR BODY MASS INDEX (BMI) Based on your weight and height your BMI is 42.

2. YOUR RESTING METABOLIC RATE (RMR) Based on your age, gender, height, weight, and waist size, your RMR is 1706. Your body uses that many calories just by living and breathing.
3. YOUR RMR + ACTIVITY You reported that you are sedentary. Based on your physical activity level and RMR, your body uses approximately 2047 calories per day.

YOUR PLAN:In order for you to meet your three-month weight loss goal, you will need a daily deficit of 933 calories. You say that you want to lose weight both by cutting calories and burning calories. That means you will need to limit your daily intake to approximately 1200 calories and increase your physical activity enough to burn 86 calories.

YOUR ULTIMATE GOAL: By sticking to the 90-day plan, you will be back to the weight you said you were most comfortable as an adult, (130 pounds) in about 46 weeks.

46 weeks. I am in for the long haul but I am so excited to start! Now, I am going to start devising a plan. I know for sure, I am going to keep a food journal, in most success stories I have read this was a tremendous help to a lot of people. I have never done it so it is worth a try. Next in my research is the pros and cons of low calorie, low carb and low fat diets. I list of VS. if you will (and we all know how much I love lists).

Goal for the day: research the pros and cons of the different "Low" lifestyles, create a plan, and(this one is going to be the hardest) pick a super cute outfit and say cheese! I am going to be documenting my weight loss from week to week so you all can see my progress.

Alright bloggies stay warm and have a great Tuesday!!

The healthy life: confession

forgive me body for I have sinned.


Where do you start when you are trying to get healthy and loose weight? I am starting with a confession. I need to get this all out, I am going to be cleansing my body so why not my soul as well. This is my weight confession:


A weighing history:
I have been over weight most of my adult life. I started gaining weight when I was about 9 and kept piling it on until the summer going in to my senior year. I was at a current weight high for me (160lbs) I went to France and by the time I came back I had lost a few pounds... great! But by the end of the summer that few pounds turned in to 30lbs and I looked somkin! I was 17 and at my dream weight of 130lbs or a size 10. That time, although short, was the best I have felt physically ever. So for the period of a year I was in love with my body, I did break my foot right out of high school and gained about 10 lbs of lack of energy. I stayed about a size 12 for all of 2005 but then... Hocking happened. Being on my own cooking my own food, buying my own groceries led to more weight gain. The freshman 20 so now I was about 160 bringing in the new year 2006. Then I went through a person hell, and am glad to say I came out the other side broken and weight out of control. I came home from school tipping the scales at 200lbs. I finally had to break down and buy new jeans...size 18 great. The weight kept piling on as my life is now spent in the sitting position at work. I didn't know what to do, my waist was getting bigger and my self confidence at a new low.... I hit a new low. most of 2009 was spent with my head in a toilet. I started to purge. Absolutely everything that I put in my system besides water was tossed. I felt this immense pressure, especially being a bride, to be thin. It was something that I vowed I would be before I walked down the aisle. I looked up anorexia tips, like wear a hair tie around your wrist and every time you think about food snap it until it hurts, or always chew gum, brush your teeth before every meal so the food tastes bad.... I was sick. I lost about 30lbs doing this and felt like crap and smelled like barf for nine months. Then the wedding came and went and I started to let myself eat meals and keep them down. Needless, to say I gained almost all the weight back. Which I knew would happen.



The now:
I am 222lbs.
Still not a personal high but embarrassing none the less.
I am, for my BMI, OBESE.
My diet right now is a mixture of high sugar, high carbohydrate. I have Dysthymic Disorder (which is a disorder that comes with depression) My body craves the food it needs to become chemically balanced and create energy . When you have this disorder you are (using a metaphor here)constantly running on half to a quarter tank of gas. You are never full. I am never not depressed in some way shape of form, I just have good days and bad days. Now I am not saying this is the single cause of my weight gain but it does put a kink in to things.But eating a tub of icing because it was there wasn't a good idea either. So what do you do when your body is telling you one thing and your waist line is telling you another?

The change:
I want to make this change for my future. I owe it to myself to give myself a fighting chance to live a life without cancer, diabetes, high cholesterol and high blood pressure. When Hubs and I actually had a serious talk about children and then that TLC special came on I knew I had to do it for my kids too. I want to be able to keep up with them, teach them the importance of a healthy life style.

Up next: The healthy life: The plan