The healthy life: confession

forgive me body for I have sinned.


Where do you start when you are trying to get healthy and loose weight? I am starting with a confession. I need to get this all out, I am going to be cleansing my body so why not my soul as well. This is my weight confession:


A weighing history:
I have been over weight most of my adult life. I started gaining weight when I was about 9 and kept piling it on until the summer going in to my senior year. I was at a current weight high for me (160lbs) I went to France and by the time I came back I had lost a few pounds... great! But by the end of the summer that few pounds turned in to 30lbs and I looked somkin! I was 17 and at my dream weight of 130lbs or a size 10. That time, although short, was the best I have felt physically ever. So for the period of a year I was in love with my body, I did break my foot right out of high school and gained about 10 lbs of lack of energy. I stayed about a size 12 for all of 2005 but then... Hocking happened. Being on my own cooking my own food, buying my own groceries led to more weight gain. The freshman 20 so now I was about 160 bringing in the new year 2006. Then I went through a person hell, and am glad to say I came out the other side broken and weight out of control. I came home from school tipping the scales at 200lbs. I finally had to break down and buy new jeans...size 18 great. The weight kept piling on as my life is now spent in the sitting position at work. I didn't know what to do, my waist was getting bigger and my self confidence at a new low.... I hit a new low. most of 2009 was spent with my head in a toilet. I started to purge. Absolutely everything that I put in my system besides water was tossed. I felt this immense pressure, especially being a bride, to be thin. It was something that I vowed I would be before I walked down the aisle. I looked up anorexia tips, like wear a hair tie around your wrist and every time you think about food snap it until it hurts, or always chew gum, brush your teeth before every meal so the food tastes bad.... I was sick. I lost about 30lbs doing this and felt like crap and smelled like barf for nine months. Then the wedding came and went and I started to let myself eat meals and keep them down. Needless, to say I gained almost all the weight back. Which I knew would happen.



The now:
I am 222lbs.
Still not a personal high but embarrassing none the less.
I am, for my BMI, OBESE.
My diet right now is a mixture of high sugar, high carbohydrate. I have Dysthymic Disorder (which is a disorder that comes with depression) My body craves the food it needs to become chemically balanced and create energy . When you have this disorder you are (using a metaphor here)constantly running on half to a quarter tank of gas. You are never full. I am never not depressed in some way shape of form, I just have good days and bad days. Now I am not saying this is the single cause of my weight gain but it does put a kink in to things.But eating a tub of icing because it was there wasn't a good idea either. So what do you do when your body is telling you one thing and your waist line is telling you another?

The change:
I want to make this change for my future. I owe it to myself to give myself a fighting chance to live a life without cancer, diabetes, high cholesterol and high blood pressure. When Hubs and I actually had a serious talk about children and then that TLC special came on I knew I had to do it for my kids too. I want to be able to keep up with them, teach them the importance of a healthy life style.

Up next: The healthy life: The plan