God is calling...

and it is time for me to pick up.

A few months ago I took a pretty amazing bible study that really opened my eyes and heart to a lot of different things. I felt more connected in those weeks to God than I have my entire life. I have never been a "practicing" Christian as I call it. I never went to church, never prayed and completely shut myself down. For a time I didn't even believe there was a God but now as I look back I was scared, scared of letting go. I used to ask so many questions and they were of course left unanswered, I asked for signs. I kept God in a box and only called upon him at my choosing.

After years in the dark (I see it as tough love), I went to this amazing bible study. It was such and after thought too, I mean my bestest asked me one day in an email if I wanted to go and I found myself 5 days later in study group. I took everything in that was said, and for some reason it just clicked. I raised my eyebrow and said "OK, I hear you." I just let go of all my questions, unanswered prayers and let God take control. It was awesome, my moments of prayer became ones of solitude and peace. I saw the power of prayer work right in front of my eyes and what do I do?....

I am back to where I started again. I am not sure when the change happened but it did. I am back in the dark, desperately searching. After my last post I saw the words on the page and said to myself "How will I know what to do?" then I realized I wasn't asking myself I was asking God, for guidance. Then I felt the pull, I need to connect with him again, and keep him in my life as a main pillar. I took the first step, looked up worship times at my old church and I am also considering a class called Alpha. This class states that it is an introduction to the Christian experience in a non-confrontational environment, No question is too simple or too hostile.